Monday, December 29, 2008

Things I learned over the Holidays

  • Door Busters sales are usually nothing you’d bust a door down for
  • Just because you “fit” in the clothes in the junior department doesn’t meant you should buy or wear the clothes in the juniors department, unless you are a COUGAR, and don't mind everyone knowing.
  • At 36, “BABY PHAT” is not a good thing
  • A size 8 in the woman’s’ department is nowhere near a size 8 in the Juniors Department
  • Those stupid coupons you clip and print and carry in your purse for days NEVER apply to the one thing you want to buy! (unless it is Bed Bath & Beyond)
  • You’re finally a grown up when you spend your Christmas cash on a new crock pot and a good steamer! The realization sucks!
  • It is a true Christmas miracle when on the Sunday after Christmas (after eating nonstop since Thanksgiving, with daily consumption of chocolate) you can walk into Express and buy a size 8 (down from a size 10 in the summer) pair of jeans for $23! Wooooooo-hoooooooo! Thank you 8lbs 6 ounce Baby Jesus! Hallelujah!!

Friday, December 19, 2008

When you live in the Deep South

I love living in the South, really I do, I eat grits, biscuits, chicken for breakfast, I play Bunko with the girls, all that stuff. Sometimes I do forget just how deep in the South I live, then I am reminded that sometimes that is not a good thing, like that time at the River House. Regardless, I got a little gift from my Dry Cleaner today, they are the nicest people, really sweet and great dry cleaners too. They gave me a little calender that they had made and it was filled with different deals and coupons...ohhhh, a FREE facial, WHAT! Oh, yeah from a Mary Kay associate, not so much...I am thumbing through it and right there in April is a Holiday I have never heard of- there, April 27th- Confederate Memorial Day. Have you all ever heard of this Holiday?

Thursday, December 18, 2008

Worth a Thousand Words Thursday-

This is how we carol....with MARACAS baby!

And this is our Nativity....not sold at Hallmark
Merry Christmas! Feliz Navidad!
You can all Thank Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy for Thousand Words Thursdays.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

New BOY TOY for ME!

So you all remember how I wanted to track down THIS GUY, drag him home with me and make him be my new GAY BFF/BOY TOY...well, he lived very far, I am very broke and couldn't afford the airfare, then, he is like an Internetz star, etc, etc, etc (of course there is the itty bitty item called an restraining order *tee-hee*) Whatever! I have decided that I was simply shooting for the starts, and I needed to lower my expectation, just a little. Lower expectation will simply get your farther...

I have found a new object of obsession, he too can dance, he just doesn't look as TIGHT in a leotard as my former obsession...but hell, either do I!

Ladies, I give to you my future BOY TOY in ALL his glory-please try not stare at his manly bits it is more than most can bare!

If I was single, I would hook up a speaker system to my body and play this damn song on a loop, I would walk around popping and locking, strutting my stuff all over town, in some big PUTA shoes,- it would be MY THEME SONG! If you liked you should put a ring on it..oh, oh, oh...lallalaaaa - I'd get a personalized lic. plate that said FIERCE! ya baby! Oh Lord, it is a good thing I got married and settled down (even if I was 18!) I would have been ONE HOT MESS!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Tempt my Tummy- lot's O' RUM cake

Even if you don't cook, you will love this recipe:

Best ever rum cake
1 tsp. Sugar
1 or 2 quarts rum
1 cup dried fruit
brown sugar
1 tsp. Soda
1 cup butter
2 large eggs
baking powder
lemon juice

Before starting, sample rum to check quality.Good isn't it? Now proceed.

Select large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check rum again. It must be just right. To be sure rum is of proper quality, pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With electric mixer,beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beatagain. Meanwhile, make sure rum is still alright. Try another cup. Open 2ndquart if necessary. Add eggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. Ifdruit gets stuck in beaterrs, pry loose with a drewscriber. Sample rumagain, checking for tonscisticity . Next, sift 3 cups pepper or salt (reallydoesn't matter). Sample rum. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in choppedbutter & strained nuts. Add 1 bablespoon of brown thugar (or whatever coloryou can find). Wix mel. Grease oven. Turn cake pan to 350 degrees.Pour mess into koven and ake. Check rum again and go to bed and make your hubby wish you baked every night!

CHEERS to Lisa, over at Blessed with Grace, for Tempt My Tummy Tuesdays *hic*

Friday, December 12, 2008

Christmas is Cancelled

This is what I told my kids when we got back form our 10 day Thanksgiving Vacation. They thought I was kidding. I reminded them of the extremely extravagant Christmas gifts they had gotten last year (musical instruments which cost lots of $$$$) the gifts the had begged for years, and now how those same gift a mere 11 months later are still untouched gathering dust in the garage, plus the ipods, video ipods, one which was lost, the other that went through the wash. I then reminded them we had just gone on a very expensive vacation and spent lots o' money, therefore, don't expect X-mas gifts. Now, don't get your panties all in a bunch ladies, they are not 5 years old, they are 16 and almost 18, they are big boys!

As we put up the tree Hairy #2 asked "why are we putting up the tree if there aren't going to be any presents?" Um...because it's paid for (fake tree) and it looks pretty. The following day I drag them with me to Lowe's to load mulch in to the van, as the yard is looking mighty pathetic, and at Lowes I see an awesome "chimenea" like a pottery outdoor fireplace, which I have been wanting for like 2 years for the backyard and it's on sale! I show them how pretty it is and what a good price it is at and then wonder out loud..."should I take it" ha-ha They lost their shiz..."you just said we get no presents because you're broke!" hahah, oh, yeah. No chimenea!

Later that day I hear them bickering, which is usually all the damn time, and Hairy #1 said to Hairy #2 "'s all your fault we aren't getting presents, you had to ask for that freaking electronic drum set, that cost $$$" I can't even bring myself to write what we paid for that things, it is obscene. Hairy #2 comeback- "no, it;s not, you eat for like 5 people, that's why Mom is always broke, fatty" This has gone on all week. I put the drum set up for sale on Craigslist and if I am lucky I will get 1/2 of what I spent last Christmas, if I do Christmas will be saved and I will by them junk that will be in the garage or garbage with in a month.

Of course The Man who among his many faults is son #5 of a family of 9 children, and who claims to have gotten rotten gifts his entire childhood (for example, he wanted a Han Solo- he got Buck Rodgers, he wanted a GI Joe- he got Ken, as a teenager he got socks, etc, etc, etc) told me yesterday that he wanted to "some" gifts under the tree this Sunday.

A Legend has passed

Yesterday Betty Page passed away. For as long as I can remember knowing what "sexy" was, I have loved Betty Page. She was beautiful, womanly, venerable, powerful, uninhibited and raw. I know many find her scandalous or immoral, some of the S&M stuff is way out there. I just remember seeing a photo of her in nude, and she was smiling, and she looked happy, not posing happy, but really "This is me, and I love me" happy. Maybe that is why I have been so enamored with her, self acceptance and body image were not easy to come by in my life.

Regardless of what you think of her, she is an icon and was an instrument in the sexual revolution.

This is Bettie Page's official website, I recommend the movie "The Notorious Bettie Page" with Gretchen Moll if you would like to learn more about her. Below is my Halloween 2007 tribute to her.

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Worth a Thousand Words Thursday

Now this is what I call a costume! This is a lady that works in my office building, she often comes up to shoot the breeze, she is obviously a fun person and a total trip. This is what she wore to work on Halloween , the whole day! YAY! I LOVE people like this!
I have Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy to thank for Thousand Words Thursdays.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Never forget your Mama's Birthday!

Sunday was my Mother’s 70th Birthday. All week long, I repeated to myself over and over “don’t forget to call Mom on Sunday.” Well, Sunday came and things had to be done around the house, the dog had to go to the park, the boys needed lunch money, we met with friends, I saw the Macy's Day Parade at Universal…and of course I forgot. Well, almost… as I lay in my bed not able to sleep, with the man already sleeping and snoring, me trying to contain myself from not smothering him, when I remembered…....before I could think, I gasped for air HARD and it sounded like “eeeeeeeeeeehhhhhhhhhhhhh” sort of like I was watching a bus load of little kids go over a cliff! The man woke up startled “What! What happened!” to which my response was, as I jumped out of bed at 11:30 pm, I forgot to call my MOTHER! The Man mumbled “you better not wake me up again.” What time is it in Guatemala? is it on hour a head or one hour behind, I can never remember, well it's either 10:30pm or not even her Birthday anymore! Thank God, one of the hairy's was still awake, we could call together and tell her the the call wouldn't go through earlier, that pesky International long distance (don't look at me like that, you make your kids lie for you too) the woman is 70 people, she used to have to talk to an operator to make a phone call, she was born the year nylon was invented, she will have no problem thinking the call didn't go through. Now my Mother is a person who is usually asleep by 8pm, being it was 10:30pm in Guatemala (I hope), I was sure she would be sleeping. Well, I was wrong; she picked up on the first ring and was wide awake. She was waiting for my call, and of course she mentioned she thought I had forgot and I was the last to call…boy I just made it by the skin of my teeth, good thing for that different time zone thingy!

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Tempt my Tummy Tuesday

I have a cookie exchange on Friday and I am not sure what I am going to since I have not made cookies from scratch since leaving my Mother's house in 1990! I have been looking up fun and easy holiday cookies, when I came across THIS!! Oh my, a website with all sorts of fun stuff to do with Twinkies, Ho-Ho's and snowballs! Click on through and they have the recipes for all of them, super fun for kids to make, I'm just not sure if you want to let your kids eat them! hahah!

Thank you Lisa, over at Blessed with Grace, for Tempt My Tummy Tuesdays!

Friday, December 5, 2008

Why couldn't this happen on the plane?

I am a big Bill Murray fan, I try and watch Ground Hog's day everytime it is on, I own "What about Bob?" for goodness sakes, and then I read this: Bill Murray, and I just know I love that man!

There is a reason this did not happen on the plane I was on- well, more than one, but:

1. He probably wasn't going to Guatemala
2. I don't fly first class, I am sure he does
3. I would laugh like the complete maniac I am and not stop and then probably pee myself and snort at the same time- then he would flare his nostrils and roll his eyes at me in utter disgust
4. I would totally embarrass my kids by making ( I stress MAKING) him take a picture with me and sign and autograph!

So, it's probably a good this that this didn't happen on my flight.

How BAD is our Economy?

As many of you know I went to Guatemala for Thanksgiving. It was a LOOOOOONG trip, we left our house at 5:30 am drove to Miami, check in at the Airport, drove to my sister's house, gave a quick kiss to peanut, who was in her Dorothy costume and then my sis drove us back to the airport, where we were sent to wrong gate (25 minute walk in the wrong direction) then thanks to my asking around found the right gate! As I walked up to the gate something was a miss....everyone waiting at the gate looked like this....

I am not kidding, I was one of the only women on the whole flight. I couldn't stop thinking about it, it was so weird. When we landed in Guatemala, a mere 10 hours after I left my house in Orlando, there must have been 800 indigenous women waiting at the airport, then they all crammed in to the back of a pick up truck and drove away.

I was not happy, because my plan was to BEG the woman at the Airline counter to let me sit in First class knowing that after she heard my tragic tale of being stuck in the car with Hairy Thing #1 & Hairy Thing #2, AND The Man since 5:30 am there was no way she would not take pity on my soul....I was already envisioning myself sipping champagne and cackling like Cruella at the 3 men who claim to be related to me in the back of the cabin....yeah, right, flight sold out to a whole bunch of men in cowboy hats!?!

After speaking with some locals I solved the mystery! The illegal migrant workers are going back to Guatemala! There are no more jobs in the States so there is no more money to send home, so they all are packing up and moving home! Boy, it seems we won't need that GIANT wall across the border anymore! hahaha--

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Worth a Thousand Words Thursday

January- 1990- You can tell the year by the acid wash jeans, neon swatch and my bushy eyebrows! Fast forward to May 2008- same 2 fools, silly as ever...

This man is not my husband, he is my bestest male friend ever, for 21 years and counting, his name is Alex. When I got married he became my hubby's best friend too (I have to admit I was jealous my husband stole my best friend) and when he needed a place to stay, well, he moved in. My kids call him Big Alex, it started out as Big People Alex, becasue my son is Alex and he would get confused when I would call "ALEX." Hence my son is Little People Alex, and my bud is Big People Alex. Four years later, he moved out and is now married to an AWESOME chick, we all love! That's his baby in the picture, he has a 3 year old too, we loves them.

Thanks to Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy for Thousand Words Thursdays.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

I'm Baaaaaaaaaack

Yes, I am back from my vacation with many great and zany stories which I will post ASAP, SAT, soon, as I do have "actual" work to do in my real job. I'm dying to post pics as I they are GREAT, but of course I left the cord that enables me to download the pics from the camera to the computer in Guatemala! Why did I even take it?

I'll tell you quickly that I had to get my hair done at the salon the whole time I was there (3 times in all) because the first time I washed my hair and asked my Mom for her hair dryer, she pulls out this thing...almost as big as she is and calls it her blow dryer. It had at sometime in the past been white, it was kind of yellow now, and was shaped like a giant fat gun! I swear on my children's lives that she has owned this contraption since at least 1984!!! I'm just saying if I was divorced and a cougar, I would be dating men younger than my Mom's hair dryer! hahahaaaaaaaa...'fo sho! Suffice to say, it didn't work very well! At least the salon was CHEAP! You sure can enjoy cheap labor in those 3rd world countries! Just saying!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Worth a 1000 words Thursday- my sister in law

This is my sister in law, the one that was 15 when I married her brother, these are her 3 kids, with the hairy one's & little ole me. They came to visit last year. I adore her, and can't wait to see her next week! Yeah, I'm going on vacation, a real vacation, a whole WEEK!
We have Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy to thank for Thousand Words Thursdays.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008


OK, this is my new gay boy toy, only he doesn't know it yet.....I have to find him, kidnap him, make him teach me this dance routine and then take me dancing EVERY NIGHT! So if you know him, you must inform me at once!

I wish I was like Paris Hilton and then I could trick him to go on my BFF Show, or Diddy and he could vie to be my assistant, or Tila NO, I will not sink THAT low, and I can tell that neither will he.

I LOVE HIM!!! If you think you can fill his one shoulder leotard, then APPLY here to be my new (or nominate one who can)

Monday, November 17, 2008

Tempt My Tummy Tuesday- Bad Kids

Most of us are Mother's, some of us are MoFo's too....

Now I don't know about you, but I have some bad a$$ kids, and they often need to be taught a lesson, so here is a perfect recipe for one of those days:

The child is in time out- in his room, in the closet, the corner, whatever...and it's lunch or dinner time...

2 slices of bread (the older the better)
1 cup of water
1 very straight face, if you crack all is lost

chipped plate
metal cup
nasty tray

Present the "meal" to the miscreant child, and say this:

"The law says I must feed you, this is the meal you have earned today."

Then drop the tray *clank* and walk away.

If they have been REALLY BAD, make them real oatmeal (no milk, or sugar or raisins), then let it cool and serve it to them, tell them is is "Cruel Gruel" all they will eat for the rest of their childhood if they don't change their wicked ways.

The big O- no not Obama

Election night was pretty much over for me when Virgina came in blue, I knew it was in the bag. So as usual at 10:30pm, everything was turned off and everyone is sent to bed. Of course when I came out of the bathroom after brushing my teeth and washing my face my husband promptly announced "the door is locked" Well, all married ladies know what THAT means, of course, everyone was not in bed and of course the door was NOT locked. Apparently the hairy's did not believe me when I said Obama had won (do they know nothing, I am always right!) and were huddled in a bedroom watching the coverage live, of course when it was "officially" announced, the youngest hairy HAD to come tell us. Did he knock? Yes. Did he wait to hear the frantic "nooooooooooooooooo" Certainly NOT. We jumped and covered, he entered turned around said nothing and closed the door behind himself. I glared at the man and growled "nice job locking the door, do you think he saw?" Before the man could answer we hear little hairy " I just walked in on Mom & Dad..." Then we hear the other 2 hairys "EWWWWWW-ARGH- NOOOOOOOO" Well, that answered my question. Now you'd think little hairy would have learned his lesson, since he walked in on my parents a couple of years back! hahaha, which is worse walking in on your Mom & Dad or walking in on your Granma and Grampa?? Let me know...

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Worth a Thousand Words Thursday

This is big hairy, now you see why I call them the Hairy's. This was on his 17th Birthday, his 18th is coming soon....he is sure he is going to get a piercing and a TATTOO! ha-ha-hahaa, silly rabbit, Mama will kill ya!

Thanks Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy for Thousand Words Thursdays!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Daddy's 75th Birthday!

Today is my Daddy's 75th Birthday! He is SUPER AWESOME! He spoiled me rotten! ha-ha He gave me Valentine's gift's every year, sometime books, or games, once a puppy! He always let me through huge parties on Halloween and my Birthday, and always listened to everything I said. He would often tell me, if anything ever happened while I was out late at night I could call him and he would come and get me, no questions asked....yeah right?! Well, lo and behold my friend ditched me at a bar at 2AM to go off with a guy and everyone left to give me a ride home was smashed....I called, he came, no questions, I was 16, but that's another story (it wasn't in the States) Which brings me to worst story of all time...He once caught me drunk, very drunk, drag my ass up the stairs drunk. It was during X-Mas break mid- week (ladies night) so the next day he went to work, (big mistake, I had all day to concoct a story) When he returned this is what I confessed: I only had $10 and thats how much cover was, so I had no money left over for sodas. It was hot, I was dancing a lot and thirsty, so an "older" guy kept on buying me a drink called a "Tom Collins" I didn't know it had alcohol, gee it tasted just like a Shirley Temple. And that's how I ended up shit faced Daddy! Well, he bought it line and sinker. The result ? he gave me LOTS of cash every time I went out, so I didn't have to accept drinks from men! Hence, my reputation as a "high roller" buying Tequila Shots for everyone! Cheers! Happy Birthday Daddy! (click here to see my Dad)

Walking Pneumonia- walking dead

I'm sick, really sick...I have been sick since last Wednesday, and this is what I look like. For REALZ....I have walking pneumonia, hacking cough, death bed fever....but where am I today? I'm at work. Why?

I am taking a week off in 2 weeks
The economy is shit and I'm eating it at work
My Boss is in town
I went to a physical 2 weeks ago and now have to go to 4, yes 4 specialists!!
I have kids that need to get wisdom teeth out, braces on and a cavity filled
And last but not least, I AM THE MOM, the MOM get no breaks!

If I die do you think the kids would ever get back to the dentist?

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Worth a 1000 Words- Thursday

This picture was from Halloween 2006- I took the boys with me, as I was chaperoning the Masquerade Ball at the all girls Catholic school. I am the Native American Princess, little hairy is Joe Dirt or for all intensive purposes, Red Neck American, then comes my favorite adoptive son as an African American (in his cool dashiki) and last but not least my other hairy as a Mexican American- see people YES WE CAN! Diversity and Unity! Thanks to JEN, for sharing her great post tradition!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

All Saints Day

I am an American, my parents came to the United States in the 60's (from Bolivia) became citizens of this country and raised their 3 daughters as Americans. My father worked for the Government and eventually we were shipped overseas. In 1985 we moved to Guatemala, I was 13. To say that I fell head over heels in love with Guatemala, and it's people would be a gross understatement. How much of an influence did it play in my life, well I married a Guatemalan, as did one of my sisters, and my parents retired and moved there. It will always be a part on me. I moved back to the States in 1991 and have lived her since then. I have been so engrossed with this election and feeling so patriotic and all-American, not once thinking about my double life, then I got this link from my sister and my eyes started watering , I just got so emotional! I am sure it has to do with the fact that my sister in law and her children are in pain over the passing of Father/husband, and I am just wishing I could be in Guatemala helping in some way.

This is a special tradition of Kite flying on the Feast of All Saints Day. Local artisans make gigantic kites, hand made from crepe paper and fly them from the cemetery, the idea is that heaven and earth are particularly close on this day and if we fly these kites we can get our messages to our dearly departed, not only in the pictures depicted on the actual kite but by tying messages to the rope then they "magically" fly up to the kite. It is spectacular, and the kites are more works of art than anything. The beautiful women are my sis & niece! I hope you enjoy!


Saturday, November 1, 2008

Halloween Horror Night

We were all ready with our costumes, excited for the fun and parties when at 3pm I got a phone call from my mother in law, my husband's brother in law had passed away unexpectedly, leaving his youngest sister a widow at 33 with 3 children. Our plans changed from a Boo Bash to trying to book my husband a flight, getting him packed and on his way. He was out the door by 9pm. I settled in to bed at 11pm with the dog, for what I thought would be a restful (much needed) night. Midnight, the first son come home, wakes me up, doze off, 1 am the second son come home, wake up again. 2 am the dog strategically places her butt next to my head and farts a million times, wake up and I almost choke. 3 am the dog needs to go out to potty, wake up and open the door to the yard, 30 min later let her back in. 4:30 am the third son comes home, it was obvious he took advantage that he was not the designated driver, because it took him 15 minutes to get the key to open the door. Very noisy, farting dog woke up, barks in my ear like crazy. 8:30 am my Mom calls to get my husband's flight info and to find out where the mass will be held. I have no idea, doze off again. 9:30 I wake up and call my Mom-in-law, get the funeral arraignment information, call my Mom back and let her know. By now everyone has heard of the tragedy and stats calling the house to find out what happened, etc, looking for my husband. I am still in my PJ's at 2pm, yet have gotten no sleep and tonight my youngest is going to his very first Homecoming Dance, so I have to go buy him drees pants, and then chauffeur him to the dance from 8:30 to 12:30 tonight. No rest for the weary!

Thursday, October 30, 2008

Worth a Thousand Words

Here is a picture from last Halloween of me and The Man, yes, yes, I know, he is The Man that drives me crazy, makes me want to beat him silly or put him in a nursing home when he turns 45, but....I have to admit, any man who would let his wife dress him up in matching sailor outfits, well, that's a GOOD MAN! I have to admit, after 18 years, he's grown on me...yeah, on my last nerve! bwa-hahaha OK, OK, I'll let you in on a secret, he's very hot, I mean very, very hot, you can't tell from this picture, well because this is the picture in which I looked the cutest (more important) I'll find a good picture of him and post it, he is Beckham hot *woo-hoo* As my inappropriate friend AJ once said " Sweetie, he could be in Gay Porn" TMI, TMI, TMI AJ! (mental note: keep an eye on AJ and 2 feet between him and The Man) Stay tuned ladies, I will post the HOT picture soon, for now enjoy the view of my "arroz con pollo" thighs and "black beans and rice" ass.

Thanks Jen!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Today I voted against Amendment 2, here in Florida. I have many Christian and Catholic friends who I am sure are aghast, on the other hand I have many gay friends, who do a little fist pump as they read this. I am a minority, twice over, I am a woman and Hispanic, and I do not think our state constitution should be amended to take peoples rights away. I have friends and family of all races, religions and sexual orientations. I love them all, above all I respect them all. I believe in families, what ever shape or form families have, these families and/ or couples deserve to be protected. I believe that Americans should have equal rights and protection under the law.
My children have been aware of homosexuality since they were about 5, I know this seems early, but we were in Key West, and it was unavoidable, so we had to give them an age appropriate explanation, which promptly caused one son, quite frankly to state that his brother was gay- the brother thought girls had cooties and wanted nothing to do with them, therefore: GAY. There views and knowledge have changed through the years, they have told me there are openly gay students in their High School, and these kids are accepted. I found this amazing, having come form a Macho culture where my gay male friends literally had to move to Europe to have any sort of open life!
I'm straight and have been married for 18 years, I believe in the sanctity of marriage, I believe in the vows that I and my husband pronounced in a church before God, that was between my husband, myself and God, had nothing to do with the Government, or anyone else.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Need to SHARE!

I have to share this with you all :) Chelsea Handler is one of my favorite people in the world, I think she is just so funny. She is so bad, but I love her and find her to be equally offensive to all! As her guest she had on Amy Sedaris (sister to David Sedaris) who is special. Special and highly HIGHlarious. If you have ever seen her old show "Strangers with Candy" you know what I am talking about. Her humor almost always makes me uncomfortable, which I think is genius, because it it makes me squirm, think of the "huevos" (balls) Amy has to have to sit there and do it with a straight face! Ladies, I give to you, the offensive, yet so amusing, personal hygiene bit these girls did on Chelsea's show: click here!

BTW, that book she is promoting is the BEST!

Monday, October 27, 2008

I can do this

My youngest was born on July 6th it was a Monday and I had a wonderful pregnancy. On the 4th of July, I had walked all the monuments on the mall in Washington and stayed out to watch the fireworks, a rode the metro home. That’s how good I felt. I went in at 6am for a pre-planned c-section, since my first had been an emergency caesarian, it was just my husband and I, as my parent had stayed home to watch my eldest, and he was 15 months old. I was 20, not yet able to order a beer, but having my second baby. The epidural did not do the trick and they eventually knocked me out cold, my husband was in the ER, mostly because I told him I would never speak to him again if he did not go in. He still complains about this one, he says it was the worst thing he has ever seen in his life, not the baby part, all the other stuff! I did not see my baby, the first thing I remember was opening my eyes in the hospital room, I could here my father and husband whispering at the door, I was alone in the room. They were speaking in Spanish and my husband sounded scared, very scared. All I could make out was that the baby had been taken to another unit, they were examining him and he had several deformities, they were trying to figure out what else was wrong with him. Now I am a child of the 80’s and immediately the scene fro V when the human girl has the alien baby came to mind, scenes Mask and some Ripley's two faced boy, all mixed together. I did not want to speak with them, or the doctor or the nurse; I wanted to see my baby. I am sure I must have yelled it quite a few times, and loud enough, because the produced him rather quickly. OMG, he was the cutest baby I had ever seen. Big round bald head, giant green eyes and a perfect red pouty mouth. I was so relieved, I checked him out, he had 6 toes on each foot and his itty-bitty fingers were fused together or webbed, I immediately turned to my husband and told him “this is OK, I can deal with this, he’s perfect” That was it, I never turned back, whatever had to be done, was cool, I can do this.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Pre-Hairy- Worth a Thousand Words Thrusday

These are my boys, this photo was taken in 2004, in four short years they have both grown taller than me, they have much longer hair than me, and one of them actually has to shave more often than my husband! ha-ha Time Flies when you're a full-time employee, full-time mom, full time wife, as well as The Man's "personal assistant" and full time dog mama :-)

As always, Thanks Jen!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The way I lost 100 POUNDS!

This was NOT it....yesterday I didn't have lunch because I left work early to go to the dentist...bad news, the Dentist wants $1200 from me for stuff that really does not make much sense to me...whatever! When I finish paying for the braces for one of the hairy ones, and pay to have 8 wisdom teeth removed form the 2 other hairy's, then I will consider the $1200 for my teeth, that would be in about , umm...5 years!

That's not the point of the story! I got home at 5:30, STARVING! Too early to make the pasta I had planned for dinner, so what did I do? I ate 15 olives, while waiting 20 minutes for the cornbread I made from a packet to be ready, then I stuffed MA FACE with warm cornbread smothered in BUTTER!

And then at 7:30 I ate some pasta! UGH! Not good....I am pretty sure this sort of behavior is not conducive to me losing those last PESKY 10 lbs! Oh well, I could do the SMART thing and invest in an ALL BLACK Wardrobe, how EMO of me :)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

OMG Monday, even though it's Tuesday!

I love this PIN! Highlarious! Awesome!
This is my step son, he was 3 when I married his Dad. At one point we got separated in the crowd and I turned around to make sure I could pull him towards me. There was a little old lady behind me, and I said "excuse me, I'm leaving my kid behind, can you let him through?" When she saw him, she blurted out "This man is your son! That's a BIG KID!" ha-ha, boy an as you all know I am only 21...I was a a week old when he was born! hahaaaaaa
We fly the flag and we are Pro-America, and we are the "real" America, and I AM American, even if I can speak another language and eat arroz con pollo and have a Latin Bootay!
As close as I got to Obama, a Jumbotron!

This is what happened on Monday Night, I went to the Obama Rally in O-town, oh it was just me, my step son and 59,998 people!

What were we thinking? Well, we thought if we didn't go we would regret it later, this could be our chance to see Barak Obama, who could turn out to our next president, etc, yada, yada, yada....well, let's put it this way, we squirmed our way through the crowd for about an hour and we still could not even see the STAGE! But, we did get to see the JUMBOTRON and hear him as well as Hillary! It was fun :)

Friday, October 17, 2008

WTF? Friday..

Today is What the F? Friday! yay-yay-yay! Next week I will figure out how to make a cute button and then sign other bloggers up so we can link and all that cool stuff! Here is my WTF? When I moved into my house 2 years ago, there was so "fake" plants with flowers hanging outside int he screen patio. Yes, I should have thrown them out immediately, who puts fake plats OUTSIDE? I didn't I left them there. I am a PLANT KILLER, I have never been able to keep a plant alive, I think that I could somehow manage to kill fake plants. The other day I look up at the fake plant and what do I see??? I real plant growing out of the FAKE one! Seriously, WTF!? bwa-ha-haaaa!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Worth A Thousand Words Thursday

This a my best friend. We met in 1985- we were 13. I think we were 16 in this picture, we still are friends today. Not the kind where we see each other all the time (we live 3 hours away) or even talk everyday. But when it's important were there. We have lived through boyfriends, husbands, high school ,cheer leading, sickness, babies, baby blues and anything else you can think of. I love her. Thanks, Jen for the whole thousand word Thursday!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm a "liberated" woman!

All my life I have enjoyed bugging my Mom, mostly by shocking her and being outrageous. This is relatively easy, she was 35 when I was born (not a young mom in the 70's) besides that she grew up in Latin America in those times was like growing up in the 1800's! ha-ha I was married the summer after I graduated high school and had never really thought about NOT changing my name, I simply was too lazy to do so. I had to fill out paperwork, get a new licence, social security and the biggest pain of all, change my passport! By this time my son had been born and my mother came to me one day VERY concerned.

La Mama: Mijita, when are you going to change your name?
La Hija (me): HUH?
La Mama: They are going to think you are a single mother, you don;t have the same last name as your son!
La Hija: Mom! Who is they?
La Mama: The people at daycare, the pediatrician
La Hija: So, Mom, there are worse things than being a single Mother...
La Mama- dead silence, laser beams eyes *sigh* (old school Latin women = no confrontation)

Well, that was it, I was never going to be able to take my husbands name- I will be forever Ms. Former Fat Chic.

The Man gets mail addressed to Mr. Former Fat Chic, he does not like that!

And of course the puppy is Lulu Former Fat Chic! He gets the boys for his name and I get my little Lulu- sounds fair to me!

Happy Birthday Big Sis

Today is Piece o' Coconut Cake AKA - my Big Sister's B-day, she turns 28....which you all know makes me as always FOREVER 21! I'm holding the GLOWORM, ie my niece, this photo was taken a few years ago on her b-day, she was turning 28, I was also Forever 21!~

Monday, October 13, 2008

This is why I did'nt BLOG this Weekend-

My friends spent the weekend at the house and we had a 3 year old and the 5 month old, pictured below with us all week end! We haven't had a baby in over 14 years in out home, so no baby tubs, hence bathing Noah in my kitchen sink!


I see all the cute things other bloggers come up with- Tempt my Tummy Tuesday's, POW Friday's, Worth A Thousand Words Thursdays. Presenting: OMG-Monday and WTF- Friday's!

So here is the first OMG-Monday post

I CUT my hair!!!!!

Here are the before and after pics!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Meme- I was tagged

I've been tagged by Piece 'o Coconut Cake!Here are the Rules:1.Link to the person that tagged you2.Post the rules on your blog3.Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.6.Let your tagger know when your entry is UP.

oh, randomness, where art thou....

1. I held on to a pair of size 4 Guess Jeans for 20 years, just in case they ever fit again, they are acid wash.

2. If I could fit my large, arroz con pollo thighs and Iris Chacon ass in those jeans, I would wear them every day, acid wash and all.

3. My godfather, a good friend of my father's actually offered to "get rid" of my husband when my father told him I was pregnant and getting married, I was 18. I found this out 5 years ago.

4. I have lived in 7 countries and 3 different states, I moved every 2 or4 years as a child. I get sudden urges to change jobs or move homes every 2 to 4 years. The nomad in me doesn't go away.

5. I want to be a Flight Attendant when my youngest goes to college, in 2.5 years (this is not a joke) or I will find a job in Dubai for a 3 year contract (one of these 2 will happen)

6. I was once a singer in a pop group with a #1 hit, this was in Central America, so I don't think it counts as much,as like being Tiffany or something. Since I moved so much, I have no pictures or video, or even recordings. I did however find some newspaper clipings, just in case one day I have to prove it.

I have no one to tag, becasue my sister stole them all....very sucky!

1. Hot Wheel Mama- she's one hot mama!
2. Posey- she is SOOOO charming!
3. Happy Hour Sue- I'm obsessed with her, she is up with w/ Tina Fey funny!
4. Jamey- because she is crafty!
5. Mrs. 4444- her car full of beer was the best pic ever!
6. Jen- the ultimate Mom-ultimate!

The Man makes me Crazy- how crazy?

Does your husband make you crazy?

I have a friend of a friend who once hit her husband over the head with a frying pan...Does your husband make you that crazy, I threaten The Man with this one all the time!

I must admit, I once chased The Man around the house while trying to WHIP him with an extension cord, I got him once or twice, I also got his best friend (they SO deserved it.)

OK, I'll tell you, they came home late (I was of course stuck at home with 2 babies) there was alcohol involved, and then they decided to watch BRAVEHEART. After that I recall them donning towels as kilts and beating each other with the wrapping paper (their swords) while jumping on my sofas. No, they were not 5 & 6, they were almost 30! I warned them over and over, they just kept yuk'ing it up. The angrier I got, the more they laughed. While I was trying to flog them with the extension cord, I was concerned they would pee on my carpet they were laughing SO HARD!

Now...sometimes I wonder if The Man will ever make me THIS MAD!

Kath & Kim and my hair doo

Last night I watched Kath & Kim...I thought it was HIGHlarious. Those two women were hysterical, my husband just kept on glancing over at me and shaking his head. He thought they were stupid, wateve! More importantly, Selma Blair is one of my new obsession, sort of like Obama Guy, Britney Spears and The Election. I am mostly obsessed with her adorable hair cuts, I love them! So in an effort to gain the confidence to chop my hair off, I have been trimming it shorter and shorter for a year. Well, this weekend, my hairdresser/friend will be staying at my house, so if I do not look like the picture below by Sunday night there is going to be HELL to pay!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Thousand Word Thursday- today is 700 billion?

This is my niece, Piece of Coconut's kid, about 30 minutes after she was born, she is so funny! Every time I look at this picture I think she looks just like a GLOWORM! I want to squeeze her and see if her head lights up! Is that wrong?
Thanks, Jen for sharing A Thousand Words Thursday with us!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

EFF the Election, let's talk about ME!

Enough already with the election, and the bad economy, and how next week we might all be in lines in a soup kitchen, or living in some park, because it will be just like the great depression. I can't take it anymore! This is worse when I had to check the internets every five minutes to see if Britney Spears had killed herself or OD'ed or totaled her car! At least then I could go to sleep at night, shrugging it off by saying, well at least I'm not Britney Spears, that bitch is EFF'ed, now that doesn't work- I AM the American people! (yes, I am one person, but I am sure my large ass counts as a whole different person too, I checked with the census people, OK?) I am the families who have not had health insurance, I am the family with a child with special needs, I am the teenager who "abstinence education" DID NOT work for, I am the woman who HAD to work after having children (maybe because I was 19!) I am the family who will have 3 kids in College at once and has NO clue how this is be accomplished and the only one I can think of that I am NOT, is a family that has lost their home, but wait a minute- check back in a year, I might be that Family too! Boy, talk about wonder I am so damn obsessed with this election. Do I sound like a nutty Bill Maher or Dennis Leary, OK, tomorrow I will tell how I climbed out my window at 16, but could not manage to climb back in at 3am! ha-ha

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Palin the Winker

Costumes, I love DRESS UP, even on Halloween

So you all voted and I am going to be WONDER WOMAN for Halloween. I announced it to my husband over the weekend, just out of the blue.

The Man: (looking at some useless magazine with motorcycles)
Me: You know what? (no response) I'm going to Wonder Woman for Halloween
The Man: OK, random
Me: You wanna be Superman?
The Man: No
Me: You wanna be Wonder Woman's boss, that Air Force guy?
The Man: No
Me: You wanna go to the costume shop ans see what they have for you?
The Man: No, we have no where to go on Halloween, I am NOT dressing up (the party we were planning on going to got canx, so sucky!)
Me: UM, nah, we are dressing up and we are going out on Halloween, and I will be a kick ass Wonder Woman!
The Man: (doesn't even lift his head form the mag)
It's on bitches, I am crashing some one's party on Halloween!

To prove to you my love of randomly dressing up, I provide the following:

Most are from Spirit week and my former job the girls school...

The Blues Mothers

Tacky Tuesday
Pin Up Captain and her SailorThing one and Thing TwoOK, so it's not really me, but in my dreams this is what I look like : )

7-11, every vote counts

So, DUH, how nutty am I! I JUST checked out the 7-11 site and they are keeping track and you can see your state, red and blue and Florida is BLUE! yes!

It so fun and funny!

Oh Lord, I want to thank you for Florida is, at least on this map, a BLUE state!

Back to 7-11

This morning, I once again needed gas and coffee, this is uncommon for me because#1 I drive a mini and I only have to fill him up (his name is Big Boy) about every 2 weeks and #2 I manage a facility that has a very POSH coffee lounge and coffee is FREE! But I have been staying up to all hours of the night watching all the pundits, and I mean ALL, yes, even FOX *ugh* News (the News part I use loosely) and I am DEAD tired. There are so many polls, and so many factors and it's making my pretty little head hurt. So I have decided there is only one way to go, or I mean one place to go... 7-11 to visit my friend form Massachusetts, The Obama Guy.

It took me a while to come up with this, screw the polls, whoever the guy at 7-11 says is getting the most coffee cups (you know the Obama or McCain one's) should be the winner of the election. I mean why not? I live in Florida, is t not going to be FLORIDA, FLORIDA, FLORIDA??? Maybe I will stat calling 7-11's in Ohio and ask the attendants which cups are selling the most.

It then dawned on Republicans get coffee at 7-11? I can't envision Cindy McCain pumping her own gas, or getting a slushee! Or maybe I live in a Democratic area (I don't think so, there is 1 black family in my sub-division, and we are the token Hispanics.) All of this was irrelevant- The Obama Guy was working today :(
This is a picture of my Mini- Big Boy and UGLY BETTY (me) haha- yes, I was FATTER, yes, I wore GLASSES, NO I didn't have braces- Why was I in a Catholic School Girl uniform? hmmmmmmmm, I plead the 5th.

Monday, October 6, 2008

My Lobotomy

No, I didn't get a Lobotomy...however, I was at Barnes and Nobel on Saturday afternoon and there was a whole table on books, mostly memoirs of people with mental illness. The girl who struggles with OCD through out High School, hmmm, sounds interesting, but then I picked up a book called "My Lobotomy." I read the back, it combined everything I love: Angst, Mental Illness, Redemption and NPR! NPR was involved in helping this man get information on what had happened to him, and bring his story to light. The victim of the lobotomy is young boy lobotomized (at 12) mostly coz his step Mom was psycho. He then recounts his difficult (an understatement) path to adulthood and reconciling with the bitter facts of his life and the decision's his family made that changed him forever. I started reading as soon as I got home. My husband was getting annoyed, because if I am reading, I am not paying attention to him, or more accurately "scratching him." My husband is one of those people. He needs your attention all the time, and he needs physical contact all the time, preferably in the form of me scratching him: his back, his head, and I am embarrassed to admit: his feet. I don't mind (that much), and I have grown to accept the fact that his will power and determination far out weigh mine....for instance:

The Man: Scratch my feet
Me: No
The Man: Come one, scratch my feet
Me: No

Multiply this time 700 billion, I always cave in just so he will shut up.

Sunday afternoon: I am almost done with my book-

The Man: What are you reading?
Me: I book about a kid who got a Lobotomy
The Man: Why would you read that, it sounds horrible!
Me: Oh, it's sickening, terrible the worst thing I have ever heard!
The Man: Your sick- why do you always read about such horrible things.
Me: It's interesting, besides maybe I can find someone to perform a lobotomy on you, and then I could make you scratch MY FEET!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Palin v. Biden in the Debate

I did not watch the debate last night, I was sucking down vodka tonic's at a business party and trying to mingle with people who I really have no interest in chatting with, but hey, the Economy sucks and honey, we all gotta work it!

When I got home I asked my hubby how the debate was, this was his interpretation, he only gave me what he felt were the 2 cringe inducing moments:

  • Palin kept on looking in the camera and winking (boy Tina Fey is use THAT)
  • Biden almost cried (this is bad in a man's view, but I think humanizing to a woman)

That was all the info I got out of him! He did however wake up laughing thinking about Palin's winks! He thought it was the funniest thing ever?!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Wordless Thursday- My baby

This is my youngest son, he's 16, he will still hold my hand in public, kiss me good-bye in front of his friends and calls me "Mama Cakes" I like him, even if he is a boy, and becoming a hairy man like the others in my house.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Obama Guy

This morning I was at 7-11 to get gas and I went in for a cup of coffee, they had Obama and Mcain cups, so I more than happy to get my java in a Obama cup! As I was paying the store owner told me he was conducting his own poll, and he had seen 7 Obama cups to 3 McCain cups! Sounds scientific to me! He then smiles and said "I'm an Obama Guy!"

He was chatty and then told me that earlier this morning a man had gotten very offended, at his happy "I'm an Obama Guy" chant and whipped around and asked him menacingly "where are you from?" Now, this is my favorite 7-11, in fact it was Simpsonized last year and I went EVERYDAY to buy Buzz Cola, and love on the Homer cut out, and to say that this guy is Apu's twin would be an understatement. My Obama Guy quickly answered with all honesty and sincerity: I'm from Massachusetts's!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Fake Troll thinks I'm stupid

My sis called me frantically yesterday morning to tell me I had a TROLL! huh? I was busy working all day long and did not have time to even think yesterday...

Finally last night I did some research and found out what a troll is and what to do! I don;t really think I have a real Troll...just someone who disagrees with my political views, and hey that's cool.
This pseud-Troll thinks I'm stupid and Obama is snake oil salesmen...whateve!
Here is what I found out about Trolls in general, this is from
What Is A Troll?
The term derives from "trolling", a style of fishing which involves trailing bait through a likely spot hoping for a bite. The troll posts a message, often in response to an honest question, that is intended to upset, disrupt or simply insult the group.
Usually, it will fail, as the troll rarely bothers to match the tone or style of the group, and usually its ignorance shows.

Why do trolls do it?
I believe that most trolls are sad people, living their lonely lives vicariously through those they see as strong and successful.
Disrupting a stable newsgroup gives the illusion of power, just as for a few, stalking a strong person allows them to think they are strong, too.
For trolls, any response is 'recognition'; they are unable to distinguish between irritation and admiration; their ego grows directly in proportion to the response, regardless of the form or content of that response.
Trolls, rather surprisingly, dispute this, claiming that it's a game or joke; this merely confirms the diagnosis; how sad do you have to be to find such mind-numbingly trivial time wasting to be funny?
Remember that trolls are cowards; they'll usually post just enough to get an argument going, then sit back and count the responses (Yes, that's what they do!).

Monday, September 29, 2008

Too Much to Drink at a Wedding!

I had a few too many Vodka's at a Wedding Saturday night....I wasn't falling down drunk or anything, but I was happily dancing, shaking ma' bo-tay the whole time, with a group of ole' NO men were dancing! So what, I shaked my ass with some 80 year olds! Just think how good I must have looked next to them all! hahaaaaaaaa...when I got home I woke my dog up and made her get in bed with me so I could kiss and love her all over AND I made my husband take a picture of look at my dog's face....this is what I think she's thinking:

Hubby, you think you're getting your hands on this tipsy hottie? HA! I don't think so! She's mine now, I'm sleeping right here, and she's gonna pet me all night..NOT YOU!

Saturday, September 27, 2008

The Presidential Debate

The debate as last night......did I watch? Nah... we had a block party and there was Smirnoff Ice, and well I had a few and just really didn't feel like I needed to stop drinking, eating and socializing! And truly at this point I would have to personally catch Barak Obama (or Barry Baby, as I call him) in bed with a live boy or a dead girl, for me not to vote for him...just saying!

Friday, September 26, 2008

My almost brother-in-law, John Leguizamo

I love John Leguizamo! Always have , always will. The man is smart, funny, insightful and so talented. However, he is not my type, eventhough I am a Latin woman, I likes the blond mens, wiz the green eye and ze big thighz and no hairs..ya? That was Inga, she picks my mens. Whatever...I was at Jury Duty in Miami and there was John Leguizamo filming on the steps on the court house (The Pest, stinker, but I still love him) I watched for about an hour and figured out which was his trailer. It was time to make my move....I told the girl next to me in Jury Duty waiting room -"um, I have to go to the bathroom, not feeling good, let them know if they call my name"

Did I go to the bathroom, um, NO! I went downstairs, out the door and straight to the man's trailer, you know what, he came walking out not but a minute later! I told him, I was a BIG fan of his one-man show, and that it was genetic, my LOVE for him. My Mama loves, him, I love him and my HOT single sister Coco loves him! I actually said- "you should meet her" He politely declined, saying alas he was married. I thought of tackling him into his trailer, and then tying him up like Kathy Bates in Misery, he was little, I was big...but I was in front of the court house and there were cops everywhere!

Needless to say, I ran into him again, a couple of years later...I don't even remember how, in Miami again, and he remembered me! He told me he was divorced, and how about a date with my sis! hahahaaaaaa, of course that bitch was married by then! She ruined my chances of being John Leguizamo's sister-in-law! How awesome would that have been!
UM, Not so MUCH, Fat BOY!
Oh yeah BABY~I can take you home to meet Mama & Papa!

OH! There is my tattooed Bad Boy! Forget going to Mama & Papa's- I can take you HOME!

Thursday, September 25, 2008

A Thousand Word Thursday

You are supposed to post a picture which you feel is worth a thousand's mine!
See that man, that's my Daddy, the one on the right! ha-ha! See that woman, that's Janet Reno. My Daddy is the kind of man that LOVES Janet Reno, he respects her and thinks she kicks ass! He will vote for a woman in a heart beat, just not Palin!(duh! that beyotch be crazy) My Daddy is an AWESOME man!

The link is on the left if you want to check out other bloggers Thousand Word Pictures

I love big butts!

One day I was lamenting to my sister how the only men who ever take notice of me are the following:

construction men
delivery men
bus boys
bus drivers

She said I had the "cuerpo del pueblo" which means: The body of the people or blue collar booty!

Well you get my drift, I attract working class men, now this is fine with me. I don't like men who look like Hugh Grant or Rob Lowe, no petite men, in suits and glasses, with manicures for me! On the other hand...not once a guy in a suit, not once a distinguished man in a nice car, never even see them turn their heads...However a very old taxi driver once followed me for 6 blocks (I was walking home in the Dominican Republic) telling me I had to be "Iris Chacon's" daughter! I came home in tears, and asked my Mom "who is Iris Chacon?" Why? she asked, I told her about the taxi driver...she nearly peed she laughed so hard! This is Iris Chacon, also know as the Puerto Rican Bombshell, she was a famous for having a LARGE behind and shaking it!

I like big butts and I can not lie...I love my "Latina" rear end, it does not bother me at all, so when I blog about my big ass, know that I am not one of those girls who is being self-deprecating so other will comment: no, no, it's not so, yes it IS and i LOVE it! Power to the Culonas! that means big booty chicks for you non-Spanish speakers!

Wednesday, September 24, 2008


I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE Halloween....more than any Holiday, it would so top X-mas, if only I could guilt people in to giving me gifts, then it would be perfect! I adore costumes and if were up to me would probably randomly drees up every Friday, just for shits an giggles! Casual Friday= cowgirl day! Now, I always wanted to be the Great Pumpkin and begged my mother the year I was 12. She said no, because "how would I dance with the boys?" and well, it just wasn't pretty. True, but who says that to a 12 year old! I guess I could be the Giant Pumpkin, but now I have breasts and a figure and I love wearing cute costumes, no, not the Hustler or Playboy ones, but cute. When I was ginormous, I didn't care, and who really wants to see a size 20 sexy nurse, so I was always an ugly witch. I was scary, kids were too afraid to take candy from me! Little hairy one once said "don't worry, she not a real with, it's my Mom" he-he-he was he wrong! Any who this story is really about my GF with the smelly finger, one year she and her friend decided to go as giant Q-Tips (all dressed in white with white cotton turban wrapped heads, brazilliant!) only guys at the bars kept on asking them if they were TAMPONS! ha-ha and then some ass squirted ketchup on their heads.....ewwwwwww After that she vowed to only wear hot costumes, no more trying to be funny! So, help me decide on what I should be this Halloween....I love the 4 options, and you don't even have to register, just vote on my poll!

Tuesday, September 23, 2008


My girlfriend is going to have a baby and i have been begging to be one of the hosts for the shower! I am BABY CRAZY, I have always adored little babies, kids not so much, teenagers, keep the HELL away (specially if they are mine) Any who! I am browsing on-line for cute ideas and come across this......screeeeeeech, WTF? Um, really is this invite for someone having twins? Do they think one baby will come out white, and one come out brown? Or is the baby on the right brown cause it's sitting in esspresso.....Or wait, is this invite for that friend (we all have one) who is pregnant and well, you're not even sure what might come out, or who the baby Daddy might be? hmmmmmmm...the card says a baby is brewing...seems like trouble is brewing to me!