- Door Busters sales are usually nothing you’d bust a door down for
- Just because you “fit” in the clothes in the junior department doesn’t meant you should buy or wear the clothes in the juniors department, unless you are a COUGAR, and don't mind everyone knowing.
- At 36, “BABY PHAT” is not a good thing
- A size 8 in the woman’s’ department is nowhere near a size 8 in the Juniors Department
- Those stupid coupons you clip and print and carry in your purse for days NEVER apply to the one thing you want to buy! (unless it is Bed Bath & Beyond)
- You’re finally a grown up when you spend your Christmas cash on a new crock pot and a good steamer! The realization sucks!
- It is a true Christmas miracle when on the Sunday after Christmas (after eating nonstop since Thanksgiving, with daily consumption of chocolate) you can walk into Express and buy a size 8 (down from a size 10 in the summer) pair of jeans for $23! Wooooooo-hoooooooo! Thank you 8lbs 6 ounce Baby Jesus! Hallelujah!!
Monday, December 29, 2008
Friday, December 19, 2008
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Wednesday, December 17, 2008
I have found a new object of obsession, he too can dance, he just doesn't look as TIGHT in a leotard as my former obsession...but hell, either do I!
Ladies, I give to you my future BOY TOY in ALL his glory-please try not stare at his manly bits it is more than most can bare!
If I was single, I would hook up a speaker system to my body and play this damn song on a loop, I would walk around popping and locking, strutting my stuff all over town, in some big PUTA shoes,- it would be MY THEME SONG! If you liked you should put a ring on it..oh, oh, oh...lallalaaaa - I'd get a personalized lic. plate that said FIERCE! ya baby! Oh Lord, it is a good thing I got married and settled down (even if I was 18!) I would have been ONE HOT MESS!
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Best ever rum cake
1 tsp. Sugar
1 or 2 quarts rum
1 cup dried fruit
1 tsp. Soda
1 cup butter
2 large eggs
Before starting, sample rum to check quality.Good isn't it? Now proceed.
Select large mixing bowl, measuring cup, etc. Check rum again. It must be just right. To be sure rum is of proper quality, pour 1 level cup of rum into a glass and drink it as fast as you can. Repeat. With electric mixer,beat 1 cup butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 seaspoon of thugar and beatagain. Meanwhile, make sure rum is still alright. Try another cup. Open 2ndquart if necessary. Add eggs, 2 cups fried druit and beat till high. Ifdruit gets stuck in beaterrs, pry loose with a drewscriber. Sample rumagain, checking for tonscisticity . Next, sift 3 cups pepper or salt (reallydoesn't matter). Sample rum. Sift 1/2 pint lemon juice. Fold in choppedbutter & strained nuts. Add 1 bablespoon of brown thugar (or whatever coloryou can find). Wix mel. Grease oven. Turn cake pan to 350 degrees.Pour mess into koven and ake. Check rum again and go to bed and make your hubby wish you baked every night!
CHEERS to Lisa, over at Blessed with Grace, for Tempt My Tummy Tuesdays *hic*
Friday, December 12, 2008
As we put up the tree Hairy #2 asked "why are we putting up the tree if there aren't going to be any presents?" Um...because it's paid for (fake tree) and it looks pretty. The following day I drag them with me to Lowe's to load mulch in to the van, as the yard is looking mighty pathetic, and at Lowes I see an awesome "chimenea" like a pottery outdoor fireplace, which I have been wanting for like 2 years for the backyard and it's on sale! I show them how pretty it is and what a good price it is at and then wonder out loud..."should I take it" ha-ha They lost their shiz..."you just said we get no presents because you're broke!" hahah, oh, yeah. No chimenea!
Later that day I hear them bickering, which is usually all the damn time, and Hairy #1 said to Hairy #2 "man...it's all your fault we aren't getting presents, you had to ask for that freaking electronic drum set, that cost $$$" I can't even bring myself to write what we paid for that things, it is obscene. Hairy #2 comeback- "no, it;s not, you eat for like 5 people, that's why Mom is always broke, fatty" This has gone on all week. I put the drum set up for sale on Craigslist and if I am lucky I will get 1/2 of what I spent last Christmas, if I do Christmas will be saved and I will by them junk that will be in the garage or garbage with in a month.
Of course The Man who among his many faults is son #5 of a family of 9 children, and who claims to have gotten rotten gifts his entire childhood (for example, he wanted a Han Solo- he got Buck Rodgers, he wanted a GI Joe- he got Ken, as a teenager he got socks, etc, etc, etc) told me yesterday that he wanted to "some" gifts under the tree this Sunday.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Thank you Lisa, over at Blessed with Grace, for Tempt My Tummy Tuesdays!
Friday, December 5, 2008
There is a reason this did not happen on the plane I was on- well, more than one, but:
1. He probably wasn't going to Guatemala
2. I don't fly first class, I am sure he does
3. I would laugh like the complete maniac I am and not stop and then probably pee myself and snort at the same time- then he would flare his nostrils and roll his eyes at me in utter disgust
4. I would totally embarrass my kids by making ( I stress MAKING) him take a picture with me and sign and autograph!
So, it's probably a good this that this didn't happen on my flight.
I am not kidding, I was one of the only women on the whole flight. I couldn't stop thinking about it, it was so weird. When we landed in Guatemala, a mere 10 hours after I left my house in Orlando, there must have been 800 indigenous women waiting at the airport, then they all crammed in to the back of a pick up truck and drove away.
I was not happy, because my plan was to BEG the woman at the Airline counter to let me sit in First class knowing that after she heard my tragic tale of being stuck in the car with Hairy Thing #1 & Hairy Thing #2, AND The Man since 5:30 am there was no way she would not take pity on my soul....I was already envisioning myself sipping champagne and cackling like Cruella at the 3 men who claim to be related to me in the back of the cabin....yeah, right, flight sold out to a whole bunch of men in cowboy hats!?!
After speaking with some locals I solved the mystery! The illegal migrant workers are going back to Guatemala! There are no more jobs in the States so there is no more money to send home, so they all are packing up and moving home! Boy, it seems we won't need that GIANT wall across the border anymore! hahaha--
Thursday, December 4, 2008
This man is not my husband, he is my bestest male friend ever, for 21 years and counting, his name is Alex. When I got married he became my hubby's best friend too (I have to admit I was jealous my husband stole my best friend) and when he needed a place to stay, well, he moved in. My kids call him Big Alex, it started out as Big People Alex, becasue my son is Alex and he would get confused when I would call "ALEX." Hence my son is Little People Alex, and my bud is Big People Alex. Four years later, he moved out and is now married to an AWESOME chick, we all love! That's his baby in the picture, he has a 3 year old too, we loves them.
Thanks to Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy for Thousand Words Thursdays.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
I wish I was like Paris Hilton and then I could trick him to go on my BFF Show, or Diddy and he could vie to be my assistant, or Tila Tequila..um NO, I will not sink THAT low, and I can tell that neither will he.
I LOVE HIM!!! If you think you can fill his one shoulder leotard, then APPLY here to be my new GBTBFF...gay.boy.toy.best.friend.forever (or nominate one who can)
Monday, November 17, 2008
Thursday, November 13, 2008
Thanks Jen over at Cheaper Than Therapy for Thousand Words Thursdays!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
I am taking a week off in 2 weeks
The economy is shit and I'm eating it at work
My Boss is in town
I went to a physical 2 weeks ago and now have to go to 4, yes 4 specialists!!
I have kids that need to get wisdom teeth out, braces on and a cavity filled
And last but not least, I AM THE MOM, the MOM get no breaks!
If I die do you think the kids would ever get back to the dentist?
Thursday, November 6, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
This is a special tradition of Kite flying on the Feast of All Saints Day. Local artisans make gigantic kites, hand made from crepe paper and fly them from the cemetery, the idea is that heaven and earth are particularly close on this day and if we fly these kites we can get our messages to our dearly departed, not only in the pictures depicted on the actual kite but by tying messages to the rope then they "magically" fly up to the kite. It is spectacular, and the kites are more works of art than anything. The beautiful women are my sis & niece! I hope you enjoy!
CLICK HERE and be AMAZED!
Saturday, November 1, 2008
Thursday, October 30, 2008
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
BTW, that book she is promoting is the BEST!
Monday, October 27, 2008
Thursday, October 23, 2008
As always, Thanks Jen!
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
That's not the point of the story! I got home at 5:30, STARVING! Too early to make the pasta I had planned for dinner, so what did I do? I ate 15 olives, while waiting 20 minutes for the cornbread I made from a packet to be ready, then I stuffed MA FACE with warm cornbread smothered in BUTTER!
And then at 7:30 I ate some pasta! UGH! Not good....I am pretty sure this sort of behavior is not conducive to me losing those last PESKY 10 lbs! Oh well, I could do the SMART thing and invest in an ALL BLACK Wardrobe, how EMO of me :)
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
This is my step son, he was 3 when I married his Dad. At one point we got separated in the crowd and I turned around to make sure I could pull him towards me. There was a little old lady behind me, and I said "excuse me, I'm leaving my kid behind, can you let him through?" When she saw him, she blurted out "This man is your son! That's a BIG KID!" ha-ha, boy an as you all know I am only 21...I was a a week old when he was born! hahaaaaaa
We fly the flag and we are Pro-America, and we are the "real" America, and I AM American, even if I can speak another language and eat arroz con pollo and have a Latin Bootay!
As close as I got to Obama, a Jumbotron!
This is what happened on Monday Night, I went to the Obama Rally in O-town, oh it was just me, my step son and 59,998 people!
What were we thinking? Well, we thought if we didn't go we would regret it later, this could be our chance to see Barak Obama, who could turn out to our next president, etc, yada, yada, yada....well, let's put it this way, we squirmed our way through the crowd for about an hour and we still could not even see the STAGE! But, we did get to see the JUMBOTRON and hear him as well as Hillary! It was fun :)
Friday, October 17, 2008
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
La Mama: Mijita, when are you going to change your name?
La Hija (me): HUH?
La Mama: They are going to think you are a single mother, you don;t have the same last name as your son!
La Hija: Mom! Who is they?
La Mama: The people at daycare, the pediatrician
La Hija: So, Mom, there are worse things than being a single Mother...
La Mama- dead silence, laser beams eyes *sigh* (old school Latin women = no confrontation)
Well, that was it, I was never going to be able to take my husbands name- I will be forever Ms. Former Fat Chic.
The Man gets mail addressed to Mr. Former Fat Chic, he does not like that!
And of course the puppy is Lulu Former Fat Chic! He gets the boys for his name and I get my little Lulu- sounds fair to me!
Monday, October 13, 2008
Friday, October 10, 2008
oh, randomness, where art thou....
1. I held on to a pair of size 4 Guess Jeans for 20 years, just in case they ever fit again, they are acid wash.
2. If I could fit my large, arroz con pollo thighs and Iris Chacon ass in those jeans, I would wear them every day, acid wash and all.
3. My godfather, a good friend of my father's actually offered to "get rid" of my husband when my father told him I was pregnant and getting married, I was 18. I found this out 5 years ago.
4. I have lived in 7 countries and 3 different states, I moved every 2 or4 years as a child. I get sudden urges to change jobs or move homes every 2 to 4 years. The nomad in me doesn't go away.
5. I want to be a Flight Attendant when my youngest goes to college, in 2.5 years (this is not a joke) or I will find a job in Dubai for a 3 year contract (one of these 2 will happen)
6. I was once a singer in a pop group with a #1 hit, this was in Central America, so I don't think it counts as much,as like being Tiffany or something. Since I moved so much, I have no pictures or video, or even recordings. I did however find some newspaper clipings, just in case one day I have to prove it.
I have no one to tag, becasue my sister stole them all....very sucky!
1. Hot Wheel Mama- she's one hot mama!
2. Posey- she is SOOOO charming!
3. Happy Hour Sue- I'm obsessed with her, she is up with w/ Tina Fey funny!
4. Jamey- because she is crafty!
5. Mrs. 4444- her car full of beer was the best pic ever!
6. Jen- the ultimate Mom-ultimate!
I have a friend of a friend who once hit her husband over the head with a frying pan...Does your husband make you that crazy, I threaten The Man with this one all the time!
I must admit, I once chased The Man around the house while trying to WHIP him with an extension cord, I got him once or twice, I also got his best friend (they SO deserved it.)
OK, I'll tell you, they came home late (I was of course stuck at home with 2 babies) there was alcohol involved, and then they decided to watch BRAVEHEART. After that I recall them donning towels as kilts and beating each other with the wrapping paper (their swords) while jumping on my sofas. No, they were not 5 & 6, they were almost 30! I warned them over and over, they just kept yuk'ing it up. The angrier I got, the more they laughed. While I was trying to flog them with the extension cord, I was concerned they would pee on my carpet they were laughing SO HARD!
Now...sometimes I wonder if The Man will ever make me THIS MAD!
Thursday, October 9, 2008
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
The Blues Mothers
Oh Lord, I want to thank you for Florida is, at least on this map, a BLUE state!
Monday, October 6, 2008
The Man: Scratch my feet
The Man: Come one, scratch my feet
Multiply this time 700 billion, I always cave in just so he will shut up.
Sunday afternoon: I am almost done with my book-
The Man: What are you reading?
Me: I book about a kid who got a Lobotomy
The Man: Why would you read that, it sounds horrible!
Me: Oh, it's sickening, terrible the worst thing I have ever heard!
The Man: Your sick- why do you always read about such horrible things.
Me: It's interesting, besides maybe I can find someone to perform a lobotomy on you, and then I could make you scratch MY FEET!
Friday, October 3, 2008
When I got home I asked my hubby how the debate was, this was his interpretation, he only gave me what he felt were the 2 cringe inducing moments:
- Palin kept on looking in the camera and winking (boy Tina Fey is use THAT)
- Biden almost cried (this is bad in a man's view, but I think humanizing to a woman)
That was all the info I got out of him! He did however wake up laughing thinking about Palin's winks! He thought it was the funniest thing ever?!
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
He was chatty and then told me that earlier this morning a man had gotten very offended, at his happy "I'm an Obama Guy" chant and whipped around and asked him menacingly "where are you from?" Now, this is my favorite 7-11, in fact it was Simpsonized last year and I went EVERYDAY to buy Buzz Cola, and love on the Homer cut out, and to say that this guy is Apu's twin would be an understatement. My Obama Guy quickly answered with all honesty and sincerity: I'm from Massachusetts's!
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
The term derives from "trolling", a style of fishing which involves trailing bait through a likely spot hoping for a bite. The troll posts a message, often in response to an honest question, that is intended to upset, disrupt or simply insult the group.
Usually, it will fail, as the troll rarely bothers to match the tone or style of the group, and usually its ignorance shows.
Why do trolls do it?
I believe that most trolls are sad people, living their lonely lives vicariously through those they see as strong and successful.
Disrupting a stable newsgroup gives the illusion of power, just as for a few, stalking a strong person allows them to think they are strong, too.
For trolls, any response is 'recognition'; they are unable to distinguish between irritation and admiration; their ego grows directly in proportion to the response, regardless of the form or content of that response.
Trolls, rather surprisingly, dispute this, claiming that it's a game or joke; this merely confirms the diagnosis; how sad do you have to be to find such mind-numbingly trivial time wasting to be funny?
Remember that trolls are cowards; they'll usually post just enough to get an argument going, then sit back and count the responses (Yes, that's what they do!).
Monday, September 29, 2008
Hubby, you think you're getting your hands on this tipsy hottie? HA! I don't think so! She's mine now, I'm sleeping right here, and she's gonna pet me all night..NOT YOU!
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Friday, September 26, 2008
Oh yeah BABY~I can take you home to meet Mama & Papa!
OH! There is my tattooed Bad Boy! Forget going to Mama & Papa's- I can take you HOME!
Thursday, September 25, 2008
The link is on the left if you want to check out other bloggers Thousand Word Pictures
I like big butts and I can not lie...I love my "Latina" rear end, it does not bother me at all, so when I blog about my big ass, know that I am not one of those girls who is being self-deprecating so other will comment: no, no, it's not so big....um, yes it IS and i LOVE it! Power to the Culonas! that means big booty chicks for you non-Spanish speakers!