Friday, April 30, 2010

A REAL Alien

When the kids were younger, my husband had yet to become an American Citizen. Mostly because it was a pain and expensive, and we were lazy.

So he had what is called a "Green Card" on this card there was his picture and it said: Legal Alien Resident on the top of it.

The year Men in Black came out in the movies, the boys were obsessed with it. The had the video and watched it all the time.

That Christmas, we all went to visit my parents in Guatemala, this meant we had our passports and my husband had to bring his green card to get back in the States.

The usual drill when we are in Guatemala is dump the kids on my parents, go out and party with all our high school buds. Well, they must have been bored at Granma and Grampa's, and as usual the oldest came up with some mischief.

Upon our arrival at my parents house, the youngest did not want to come anywhere near his Father. Did'nt want to touch him, look at him, be in the same room with him.

Hours went by and he would'nt budge. He finally confesses to me the following:

I know Daddy is an Alien.

WOW! What do you say to that? Where the HELL did that come from?

Of course I laughed (which I probably shouldn't have since he was crying and looked scared shitless)- No he isn't! That's silly- I responded.

Alex (his older brother) said you would deny it. I know it's true. I saw the paper!


The little bugger ran out the room and ran back with the HUBS green card in his hand.

HE pushed it in to my face- YOU SEE!!! A-L-I-E-N

That's when I rolled off the bed I was laughing so hard.

It finally took Grampa's word and explanation to convince my youngest son that his father was not one of these guys:

I mean really, if he was an Alien, he would defenitly be this GUY:

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Dear Arizona,

What does an Illegal Alien look like?

Brown, Mexican, poor? Is that who they are referring to when the say illegal Immigrants?

I heard the law referred to as "Breathing while Hispanic" it the new crime.

What does Hispanic even mean? *the word means you a descendant of a country in which Spanish is spoken or see wiki: A person residing in the United States, Latin America or worldwide of Spanish ancestry.

WOW, that's a shit load of people to fuck with Arizona.

While English is my first language and I have no accent, my husband's is thick, he's lucky, he looks "white" so his accent is often mistaken for Austrian (don't ask.)

If on vacation in Arizona should we make sure we are not "too tan" before going? Avoid getting in a pick up truck? Wearing shabby clothes or visiting 7-11? We certainly would make sure we didn't speak in Spanish, and we would be sure to carry our American Passports with us at all times, just to be safe.

Yes, I know Arizona, you pay big $$ to school illegal kids and big $$ for all the illegal health care.

How much is all the boycotting going to cost Arizona?

Being Latino simply can not a reasonable reason for a Police Officer to ask that you prove citizenship.

What does Latino look like?

Everyone in the pictures above are immigrants from Latin America. We all have made our lives here, married here, had our children here, work here and pay taxes. If I am not mistaken, most of them are now US Citizens. Latinos: we are all shapes, sizes, colors ans shades of hair and skin, I for one, as a HUMAN BEING can not stomach this ridiculous law.

Oh, for shits and giggles I am including a picture of my sisters kids. The are born and bread in Latin America and their English sucks.

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Drastic Changes

Lady Godiva decided to cut his hair, all on his own. I was uneasy with the decision, I was not sure how he was going to look with short hair, I had grown very accustomed to his long hair.

He looks so different, so grown up, I miss my baby.

On the bright side, he donated his hair to make a hair piece for children with cancer. He is very sweet like that. For years he has been collecting the tab off soda cans and he claims they donate 5 cents for every tab. I don't know what charity or where he takes them, but he always has zip lock bags with those metal tabs in them.

OK...get ready, here are the before and after pics..TA DA DA DA

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Mo's Hairy Legs

I want to state that I'm not a hater, I just don't get it!

Back log, back log...this is how far behind I am with my posting, right after the Oscar's I was going to make fun of Monique's hairy ass legs....but well, it's April now and so irrelevant.

First of all, when my husband fantasizes about wining the LOTTO, he lists all the cars and motorcycles he is going to buy. How he will have a mansion on the water in Florida and a ranch on the West coast (this is for me) and all the gadgets, etc, etc, etc...ME? The day we hit the jackpot I will RUN to the nearest LASER HAIR REMOVAL center and have them BUZZ me from my eyebrows down to my toes!

I hate shaving, waxing plucking. Of course, it doesn't help that I am white as chalk and have hair dark as coal and thick as phone cable, so go figure.

So since I did not post this way back when, I have been thinking about Monique's hairy legs, and I admire her. She has balls! Oh, I go days without shaving, but will leave my house covered in a damn Burka, in 105 Florida heat. No one sees my Chewbaccaness in public!

She just doesn't give a crap! I like that.

Now this girl in the picture below, well I don't know about her, that is a whole different story.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I'm not dead- but almost

I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I disappeared with out a trace and did not even post that I was alive. In the past this has happened when I was having WAY to much fun. Well, not this time.

It all started with pizza and beer on Friday night. Come Saturday at noon, I was not feeling well, worst of all I had to endure the mild rage of: THE HUBS.

OMG- how many times are you going to eat Pizza and get sick?!? I told you not to eat pizza. The next time I see you eating pizza *pow* to the moon! (not exactly, but you get it)

So throwing up Saturday, Sunday, Monday- hmmmm, maybe it wasn't the pizza? No one else is sick in the house?!

More ranting from THE HUBS on Monday night- When are you going to go the the Doctor?! What has to happen to make you call the guy?! You're probably sick because you haven't eating in the days, and your stomach is rebelling! Have some toast and tea, it will settle you stomach.

The man brings me toast and tea, I dutifully eat 1/2 the toast and about 2 ounces of tea. Well, somehow I manage to projectile vomit through my nose and mouth about 10000999 ounces of water 20 minutes later. I almost choked, peed my self a little when my life flashed before my eyes and then started to cry.

This was a BIG mistake, because of course THE HUBS lost his damn mind and wanted to go to the ER. I wanted to shower and go to bed.

At knife point I was forced to call the Doc at 8am the Tuesday morning.

DOC- hmmm, no liquids held down since Saturday am. OK, go to the E.R. I will see you there.

Which ER you ask? The CRAZY seventh day Adventist one, of course! I got there at 9:30 am on Tuesday..

Well, apparently not eating and drinking and throwing up all the time is pretty BAD, because I was admitted, then pumped full of magnesium, potassium, and IV that looked like yellow Gatorade and got GIANT tubes of sugar pumped into my arm.

Here are the FACTS of my stay:
  • I didn't get to leave until Friday at 9:30PM
  • This annoyed my sister greatly since she was kicked out 22 hours after having her kid
  • (84 hours!) I could have had 3.8 babies!
  • They never figured out what I had-just said a virus
  • It took the Doc 48 to actually see me in person in the hospital (that's what I call service!)
  • I gave the Chaplin the stink eye
  • got into an almost fight with a non English speaking volunteer, over what an Atheist is.
  • lost 10 lbs
  • watched FOOD Network and HGTV the WHOLE time!
  • was bored out my mind
So ladies and gays all these stories and more are coming up, and I am really sorry for being so bad....will you ever forgive? I can;t live with out the $10 a month I make off BlogHer! haha!!!

In other news I have come up for a new nickname for THE HUBS and the bestie's (the Ethel to my Lucy or maybe I am the Ethel to her Lucy?) HUB, from this day forward they will be known as THE MOFO's, how apropo, no?