Thursday, October 30, 2008

Worth a Thousand Words

Here is a picture from last Halloween of me and The Man, yes, yes, I know, he is The Man that drives me crazy, makes me want to beat him silly or put him in a nursing home when he turns 45, but....I have to admit, any man who would let his wife dress him up in matching sailor outfits, well, that's a GOOD MAN! I have to admit, after 18 years, he's grown on me...yeah, on my last nerve! bwa-hahaha OK, OK, I'll let you in on a secret, he's very hot, I mean very, very hot, you can't tell from this picture, well because this is the picture in which I looked the cutest (more important) I'll find a good picture of him and post it, he is Beckham hot *woo-hoo* As my inappropriate friend AJ once said " Sweetie, he could be in Gay Porn" TMI, TMI, TMI AJ! (mental note: keep an eye on AJ and 2 feet between him and The Man) Stay tuned ladies, I will post the HOT picture soon, for now enjoy the view of my "arroz con pollo" thighs and "black beans and rice" ass.

Thanks Jen!

Wednesday, October 29, 2008


Today I voted against Amendment 2, here in Florida. I have many Christian and Catholic friends who I am sure are aghast, on the other hand I have many gay friends, who do a little fist pump as they read this. I am a minority, twice over, I am a woman and Hispanic, and I do not think our state constitution should be amended to take peoples rights away. I have friends and family of all races, religions and sexual orientations. I love them all, above all I respect them all. I believe in families, what ever shape or form families have, these families and/ or couples deserve to be protected. I believe that Americans should have equal rights and protection under the law.
My children have been aware of homosexuality since they were about 5, I know this seems early, but we were in Key West, and it was unavoidable, so we had to give them an age appropriate explanation, which promptly caused one son, quite frankly to state that his brother was gay- the brother thought girls had cooties and wanted nothing to do with them, therefore: GAY. There views and knowledge have changed through the years, they have told me there are openly gay students in their High School, and these kids are accepted. I found this amazing, having come form a Macho culture where my gay male friends literally had to move to Europe to have any sort of open life!
I'm straight and have been married for 18 years, I believe in the sanctity of marriage, I believe in the vows that I and my husband pronounced in a church before God, that was between my husband, myself and God, had nothing to do with the Government, or anyone else.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Need to SHARE!

I have to share this with you all :) Chelsea Handler is one of my favorite people in the world, I think she is just so funny. She is so bad, but I love her and find her to be equally offensive to all! As her guest she had on Amy Sedaris (sister to David Sedaris) who is special. Special and highly HIGHlarious. If you have ever seen her old show "Strangers with Candy" you know what I am talking about. Her humor almost always makes me uncomfortable, which I think is genius, because it it makes me squirm, think of the "huevos" (balls) Amy has to have to sit there and do it with a straight face! Ladies, I give to you, the offensive, yet so amusing, personal hygiene bit these girls did on Chelsea's show: click here!

BTW, that book she is promoting is the BEST!

Monday, October 27, 2008

I can do this

My youngest was born on July 6th it was a Monday and I had a wonderful pregnancy. On the 4th of July, I had walked all the monuments on the mall in Washington and stayed out to watch the fireworks, a rode the metro home. That’s how good I felt. I went in at 6am for a pre-planned c-section, since my first had been an emergency caesarian, it was just my husband and I, as my parent had stayed home to watch my eldest, and he was 15 months old. I was 20, not yet able to order a beer, but having my second baby. The epidural did not do the trick and they eventually knocked me out cold, my husband was in the ER, mostly because I told him I would never speak to him again if he did not go in. He still complains about this one, he says it was the worst thing he has ever seen in his life, not the baby part, all the other stuff! I did not see my baby, the first thing I remember was opening my eyes in the hospital room, I could here my father and husband whispering at the door, I was alone in the room. They were speaking in Spanish and my husband sounded scared, very scared. All I could make out was that the baby had been taken to another unit, they were examining him and he had several deformities, they were trying to figure out what else was wrong with him. Now I am a child of the 80’s and immediately the scene fro V when the human girl has the alien baby came to mind, scenes Mask and some Ripley's two faced boy, all mixed together. I did not want to speak with them, or the doctor or the nurse; I wanted to see my baby. I am sure I must have yelled it quite a few times, and loud enough, because the produced him rather quickly. OMG, he was the cutest baby I had ever seen. Big round bald head, giant green eyes and a perfect red pouty mouth. I was so relieved, I checked him out, he had 6 toes on each foot and his itty-bitty fingers were fused together or webbed, I immediately turned to my husband and told him “this is OK, I can deal with this, he’s perfect” That was it, I never turned back, whatever had to be done, was cool, I can do this.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Pre-Hairy- Worth a Thousand Words Thrusday

These are my boys, this photo was taken in 2004, in four short years they have both grown taller than me, they have much longer hair than me, and one of them actually has to shave more often than my husband! ha-ha Time Flies when you're a full-time employee, full-time mom, full time wife, as well as The Man's "personal assistant" and full time dog mama :-)

As always, Thanks Jen!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The way I lost 100 POUNDS!

This was NOT it....yesterday I didn't have lunch because I left work early to go to the dentist...bad news, the Dentist wants $1200 from me for stuff that really does not make much sense to me...whatever! When I finish paying for the braces for one of the hairy ones, and pay to have 8 wisdom teeth removed form the 2 other hairy's, then I will consider the $1200 for my teeth, that would be in about , umm...5 years!

That's not the point of the story! I got home at 5:30, STARVING! Too early to make the pasta I had planned for dinner, so what did I do? I ate 15 olives, while waiting 20 minutes for the cornbread I made from a packet to be ready, then I stuffed MA FACE with warm cornbread smothered in BUTTER!

And then at 7:30 I ate some pasta! UGH! Not good....I am pretty sure this sort of behavior is not conducive to me losing those last PESKY 10 lbs! Oh well, I could do the SMART thing and invest in an ALL BLACK Wardrobe, how EMO of me :)

Tuesday, October 21, 2008

OMG Monday, even though it's Tuesday!

I love this PIN! Highlarious! Awesome!
This is my step son, he was 3 when I married his Dad. At one point we got separated in the crowd and I turned around to make sure I could pull him towards me. There was a little old lady behind me, and I said "excuse me, I'm leaving my kid behind, can you let him through?" When she saw him, she blurted out "This man is your son! That's a BIG KID!" ha-ha, boy an as you all know I am only 21...I was a a week old when he was born! hahaaaaaa
We fly the flag and we are Pro-America, and we are the "real" America, and I AM American, even if I can speak another language and eat arroz con pollo and have a Latin Bootay!
As close as I got to Obama, a Jumbotron!

This is what happened on Monday Night, I went to the Obama Rally in O-town, oh it was just me, my step son and 59,998 people!

What were we thinking? Well, we thought if we didn't go we would regret it later, this could be our chance to see Barak Obama, who could turn out to our next president, etc, yada, yada, yada....well, let's put it this way, we squirmed our way through the crowd for about an hour and we still could not even see the STAGE! But, we did get to see the JUMBOTRON and hear him as well as Hillary! It was fun :)

Friday, October 17, 2008

WTF? Friday..

Today is What the F? Friday! yay-yay-yay! Next week I will figure out how to make a cute button and then sign other bloggers up so we can link and all that cool stuff! Here is my WTF? When I moved into my house 2 years ago, there was so "fake" plants with flowers hanging outside int he screen patio. Yes, I should have thrown them out immediately, who puts fake plats OUTSIDE? I didn't I left them there. I am a PLANT KILLER, I have never been able to keep a plant alive, I think that I could somehow manage to kill fake plants. The other day I look up at the fake plant and what do I see??? I real plant growing out of the FAKE one! Seriously, WTF!? bwa-ha-haaaa!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Worth A Thousand Words Thursday

This a my best friend. We met in 1985- we were 13. I think we were 16 in this picture, we still are friends today. Not the kind where we see each other all the time (we live 3 hours away) or even talk everyday. But when it's important were there. We have lived through boyfriends, husbands, high school ,cheer leading, sickness, babies, baby blues and anything else you can think of. I love her. Thanks, Jen for the whole thousand word Thursday!

Tuesday, October 14, 2008

I'm a "liberated" woman!

All my life I have enjoyed bugging my Mom, mostly by shocking her and being outrageous. This is relatively easy, she was 35 when I was born (not a young mom in the 70's) besides that she grew up in Latin America in those times was like growing up in the 1800's! ha-ha I was married the summer after I graduated high school and had never really thought about NOT changing my name, I simply was too lazy to do so. I had to fill out paperwork, get a new licence, social security and the biggest pain of all, change my passport! By this time my son had been born and my mother came to me one day VERY concerned.

La Mama: Mijita, when are you going to change your name?
La Hija (me): HUH?
La Mama: They are going to think you are a single mother, you don;t have the same last name as your son!
La Hija: Mom! Who is they?
La Mama: The people at daycare, the pediatrician
La Hija: So, Mom, there are worse things than being a single Mother...
La Mama- dead silence, laser beams eyes *sigh* (old school Latin women = no confrontation)

Well, that was it, I was never going to be able to take my husbands name- I will be forever Ms. Former Fat Chic.

The Man gets mail addressed to Mr. Former Fat Chic, he does not like that!

And of course the puppy is Lulu Former Fat Chic! He gets the boys for his name and I get my little Lulu- sounds fair to me!

Happy Birthday Big Sis

Today is Piece o' Coconut Cake AKA - my Big Sister's B-day, she turns 28....which you all know makes me as always FOREVER 21! I'm holding the GLOWORM, ie my niece, this photo was taken a few years ago on her b-day, she was turning 28, I was also Forever 21!~

Monday, October 13, 2008

This is why I did'nt BLOG this Weekend-

My friends spent the weekend at the house and we had a 3 year old and the 5 month old, pictured below with us all week end! We haven't had a baby in over 14 years in out home, so no baby tubs, hence bathing Noah in my kitchen sink!


I see all the cute things other bloggers come up with- Tempt my Tummy Tuesday's, POW Friday's, Worth A Thousand Words Thursdays. Presenting: OMG-Monday and WTF- Friday's!

So here is the first OMG-Monday post

I CUT my hair!!!!!

Here are the before and after pics!

Friday, October 10, 2008

Meme- I was tagged

I've been tagged by Piece 'o Coconut Cake!Here are the Rules:1.Link to the person that tagged you2.Post the rules on your blog3.Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself4.Tag six random people at the end of your post by linking to their blogs5.Let each random person know they have been tagged by leaving a comment on their website.6.Let your tagger know when your entry is UP.

oh, randomness, where art thou....

1. I held on to a pair of size 4 Guess Jeans for 20 years, just in case they ever fit again, they are acid wash.

2. If I could fit my large, arroz con pollo thighs and Iris Chacon ass in those jeans, I would wear them every day, acid wash and all.

3. My godfather, a good friend of my father's actually offered to "get rid" of my husband when my father told him I was pregnant and getting married, I was 18. I found this out 5 years ago.

4. I have lived in 7 countries and 3 different states, I moved every 2 or4 years as a child. I get sudden urges to change jobs or move homes every 2 to 4 years. The nomad in me doesn't go away.

5. I want to be a Flight Attendant when my youngest goes to college, in 2.5 years (this is not a joke) or I will find a job in Dubai for a 3 year contract (one of these 2 will happen)

6. I was once a singer in a pop group with a #1 hit, this was in Central America, so I don't think it counts as much,as like being Tiffany or something. Since I moved so much, I have no pictures or video, or even recordings. I did however find some newspaper clipings, just in case one day I have to prove it.

I have no one to tag, becasue my sister stole them all....very sucky!

1. Hot Wheel Mama- she's one hot mama!
2. Posey- she is SOOOO charming!
3. Happy Hour Sue- I'm obsessed with her, she is up with w/ Tina Fey funny!
4. Jamey- because she is crafty!
5. Mrs. 4444- her car full of beer was the best pic ever!
6. Jen- the ultimate Mom-ultimate!

The Man makes me Crazy- how crazy?

Does your husband make you crazy?

I have a friend of a friend who once hit her husband over the head with a frying pan...Does your husband make you that crazy, I threaten The Man with this one all the time!

I must admit, I once chased The Man around the house while trying to WHIP him with an extension cord, I got him once or twice, I also got his best friend (they SO deserved it.)

OK, I'll tell you, they came home late (I was of course stuck at home with 2 babies) there was alcohol involved, and then they decided to watch BRAVEHEART. After that I recall them donning towels as kilts and beating each other with the wrapping paper (their swords) while jumping on my sofas. No, they were not 5 & 6, they were almost 30! I warned them over and over, they just kept yuk'ing it up. The angrier I got, the more they laughed. While I was trying to flog them with the extension cord, I was concerned they would pee on my carpet they were laughing SO HARD!

Now...sometimes I wonder if The Man will ever make me THIS MAD!

Kath & Kim and my hair doo

Last night I watched Kath & Kim...I thought it was HIGHlarious. Those two women were hysterical, my husband just kept on glancing over at me and shaking his head. He thought they were stupid, wateve! More importantly, Selma Blair is one of my new obsession, sort of like Obama Guy, Britney Spears and The Election. I am mostly obsessed with her adorable hair cuts, I love them! So in an effort to gain the confidence to chop my hair off, I have been trimming it shorter and shorter for a year. Well, this weekend, my hairdresser/friend will be staying at my house, so if I do not look like the picture below by Sunday night there is going to be HELL to pay!

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Thousand Word Thursday- today is 700 billion?

This is my niece, Piece of Coconut's kid, about 30 minutes after she was born, she is so funny! Every time I look at this picture I think she looks just like a GLOWORM! I want to squeeze her and see if her head lights up! Is that wrong?
Thanks, Jen for sharing A Thousand Words Thursday with us!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

EFF the Election, let's talk about ME!

Enough already with the election, and the bad economy, and how next week we might all be in lines in a soup kitchen, or living in some park, because it will be just like the great depression. I can't take it anymore! This is worse when I had to check the internets every five minutes to see if Britney Spears had killed herself or OD'ed or totaled her car! At least then I could go to sleep at night, shrugging it off by saying, well at least I'm not Britney Spears, that bitch is EFF'ed, now that doesn't work- I AM the American people! (yes, I am one person, but I am sure my large ass counts as a whole different person too, I checked with the census people, OK?) I am the families who have not had health insurance, I am the family with a child with special needs, I am the teenager who "abstinence education" DID NOT work for, I am the woman who HAD to work after having children (maybe because I was 19!) I am the family who will have 3 kids in College at once and has NO clue how this is be accomplished and the only one I can think of that I am NOT, is a family that has lost their home, but wait a minute- check back in a year, I might be that Family too! Boy, talk about wonder I am so damn obsessed with this election. Do I sound like a nutty Bill Maher or Dennis Leary, OK, tomorrow I will tell how I climbed out my window at 16, but could not manage to climb back in at 3am! ha-ha

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Palin the Winker

Costumes, I love DRESS UP, even on Halloween

So you all voted and I am going to be WONDER WOMAN for Halloween. I announced it to my husband over the weekend, just out of the blue.

The Man: (looking at some useless magazine with motorcycles)
Me: You know what? (no response) I'm going to Wonder Woman for Halloween
The Man: OK, random
Me: You wanna be Superman?
The Man: No
Me: You wanna be Wonder Woman's boss, that Air Force guy?
The Man: No
Me: You wanna go to the costume shop ans see what they have for you?
The Man: No, we have no where to go on Halloween, I am NOT dressing up (the party we were planning on going to got canx, so sucky!)
Me: UM, nah, we are dressing up and we are going out on Halloween, and I will be a kick ass Wonder Woman!
The Man: (doesn't even lift his head form the mag)
It's on bitches, I am crashing some one's party on Halloween!

To prove to you my love of randomly dressing up, I provide the following:

Most are from Spirit week and my former job the girls school...

The Blues Mothers

Tacky Tuesday
Pin Up Captain and her SailorThing one and Thing TwoOK, so it's not really me, but in my dreams this is what I look like : )

7-11, every vote counts

So, DUH, how nutty am I! I JUST checked out the 7-11 site and they are keeping track and you can see your state, red and blue and Florida is BLUE! yes!

It so fun and funny!

Oh Lord, I want to thank you for Florida is, at least on this map, a BLUE state!

Back to 7-11

This morning, I once again needed gas and coffee, this is uncommon for me because#1 I drive a mini and I only have to fill him up (his name is Big Boy) about every 2 weeks and #2 I manage a facility that has a very POSH coffee lounge and coffee is FREE! But I have been staying up to all hours of the night watching all the pundits, and I mean ALL, yes, even FOX *ugh* News (the News part I use loosely) and I am DEAD tired. There are so many polls, and so many factors and it's making my pretty little head hurt. So I have decided there is only one way to go, or I mean one place to go... 7-11 to visit my friend form Massachusetts, The Obama Guy.

It took me a while to come up with this, screw the polls, whoever the guy at 7-11 says is getting the most coffee cups (you know the Obama or McCain one's) should be the winner of the election. I mean why not? I live in Florida, is t not going to be FLORIDA, FLORIDA, FLORIDA??? Maybe I will stat calling 7-11's in Ohio and ask the attendants which cups are selling the most.

It then dawned on Republicans get coffee at 7-11? I can't envision Cindy McCain pumping her own gas, or getting a slushee! Or maybe I live in a Democratic area (I don't think so, there is 1 black family in my sub-division, and we are the token Hispanics.) All of this was irrelevant- The Obama Guy was working today :(
This is a picture of my Mini- Big Boy and UGLY BETTY (me) haha- yes, I was FATTER, yes, I wore GLASSES, NO I didn't have braces- Why was I in a Catholic School Girl uniform? hmmmmmmmm, I plead the 5th.

Monday, October 6, 2008

My Lobotomy

No, I didn't get a Lobotomy...however, I was at Barnes and Nobel on Saturday afternoon and there was a whole table on books, mostly memoirs of people with mental illness. The girl who struggles with OCD through out High School, hmmm, sounds interesting, but then I picked up a book called "My Lobotomy." I read the back, it combined everything I love: Angst, Mental Illness, Redemption and NPR! NPR was involved in helping this man get information on what had happened to him, and bring his story to light. The victim of the lobotomy is young boy lobotomized (at 12) mostly coz his step Mom was psycho. He then recounts his difficult (an understatement) path to adulthood and reconciling with the bitter facts of his life and the decision's his family made that changed him forever. I started reading as soon as I got home. My husband was getting annoyed, because if I am reading, I am not paying attention to him, or more accurately "scratching him." My husband is one of those people. He needs your attention all the time, and he needs physical contact all the time, preferably in the form of me scratching him: his back, his head, and I am embarrassed to admit: his feet. I don't mind (that much), and I have grown to accept the fact that his will power and determination far out weigh mine....for instance:

The Man: Scratch my feet
Me: No
The Man: Come one, scratch my feet
Me: No

Multiply this time 700 billion, I always cave in just so he will shut up.

Sunday afternoon: I am almost done with my book-

The Man: What are you reading?
Me: I book about a kid who got a Lobotomy
The Man: Why would you read that, it sounds horrible!
Me: Oh, it's sickening, terrible the worst thing I have ever heard!
The Man: Your sick- why do you always read about such horrible things.
Me: It's interesting, besides maybe I can find someone to perform a lobotomy on you, and then I could make you scratch MY FEET!

Friday, October 3, 2008

Palin v. Biden in the Debate

I did not watch the debate last night, I was sucking down vodka tonic's at a business party and trying to mingle with people who I really have no interest in chatting with, but hey, the Economy sucks and honey, we all gotta work it!

When I got home I asked my hubby how the debate was, this was his interpretation, he only gave me what he felt were the 2 cringe inducing moments:

  • Palin kept on looking in the camera and winking (boy Tina Fey is use THAT)
  • Biden almost cried (this is bad in a man's view, but I think humanizing to a woman)

That was all the info I got out of him! He did however wake up laughing thinking about Palin's winks! He thought it was the funniest thing ever?!

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Wordless Thursday- My baby

This is my youngest son, he's 16, he will still hold my hand in public, kiss me good-bye in front of his friends and calls me "Mama Cakes" I like him, even if he is a boy, and becoming a hairy man like the others in my house.

Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Obama Guy

This morning I was at 7-11 to get gas and I went in for a cup of coffee, they had Obama and Mcain cups, so I more than happy to get my java in a Obama cup! As I was paying the store owner told me he was conducting his own poll, and he had seen 7 Obama cups to 3 McCain cups! Sounds scientific to me! He then smiles and said "I'm an Obama Guy!"

He was chatty and then told me that earlier this morning a man had gotten very offended, at his happy "I'm an Obama Guy" chant and whipped around and asked him menacingly "where are you from?" Now, this is my favorite 7-11, in fact it was Simpsonized last year and I went EVERYDAY to buy Buzz Cola, and love on the Homer cut out, and to say that this guy is Apu's twin would be an understatement. My Obama Guy quickly answered with all honesty and sincerity: I'm from Massachusetts's!