That's all for today Great Pumpkin, how about you cut Linus a break this year?
Friday, October 30, 2009
That's all for today Great Pumpkin, how about you cut Linus a break this year?
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Friday, October 23, 2009
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
My nightmares are very vivid and usually easy to figure out what they are about. However last night I had one of the most horrible and vivid dreams, it may sound so silly but I can't even think about it with out cringing and getting goose bumps every where.
If you are an expert, or just think you KNOW EVERYTHING (like me) tell me what your interpretation of my nightmare is.
I am looking at my lower legs and these hairs start to grow on them rapidly. Only they are not hairs, the are more like stems from a weed. Green and thick. I start plucking them one by one with my fingertips and they come out, leaving a pin hole in my leg each time. They keep growing back, bigger and thicker and each time I pull them out the holes that are left in my legs are larger and larger. When I pull them out it, it is like in slow motion, I see them slowly dragging through my skin. N-A-S-T-Y. It gets to a point in the dream where I can't pull them out anymore and my legs start to look like trees.
It made me think of Tree Man:
The HUBS does not think it is THAT BAD of a nightmare, my assistant (the black tongue girl) scrunches up her whole face when I talk about it and thinks it is the worst dream ever.
HELP?! Is this my usual craziness or have I gone of the deep end?
Thursday, October 15, 2009
I almost kissed one of the boys that works here (male nurses) he looks just like Alex (my son)
to my friend Joe (who was visiting his Mom, quite the coinky-dinky) Are you my friend? No? Good, so you work here. The food is horrible, you need to do something about it.
Apples make me happy, that's why I think they make me eat apple sauce all day long. It works, I'm happy.
You are so pretty (to me) you look just like a girl on the TV ( I turn the TV on) That's her! (the wife from the King of Queens.) I wonder if Oprah would have been on, if she would have said the same thing!
me: Mama, Tita (my sister's nanny) has a daughter in law looking for work, maybe she will come up to Orlando and help Dad and me take care of you.
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
This is of course at 10:30 at night, after we each have worked 9 hour days, I have walked the dog, he has gone to the gym, I have spent 3 hours at the hospital with my Mom, he has made dinner and barked at the kids until the cleaned the kitchen and set the table, so we could eat at 8pm when I get home. The ceiling fan sound was almost as bad the groaning the DVD-surround sound system started making the minute we sat down to watch season 4 of Weeds after diner.
The Hubs lets out a long sigh and says: We need a man in this house. A man that can fix things, fix the fan and the DVD, and the hole in the attic where my foot fell through, and screen and the pool pump too.
I chime in: We need a WOMAN in this house. A woman who cooks, and cleans
HUBS: oh! a woman that likes to have sex, like every night!
the only logical response: Um, yeah that woman, can have sex with the man that fixes things.
With that I rolled over and went to sleep, only to hear the HUBS say: Lulu, get your Cuca out my face!
ahhhhhhh, love and marriage....
Monday, October 12, 2009
See that boy flying through the air, that's my boy, my baby. Well this same boy was at Vans Skate Park on Saturday for his buddies B-day and was jumping and skating and flying through the air, with FULL protection on (unlike this photo, which I did NOT take and wasn't present at) well, the boy fell and whacked his head hard (yes, he was wearing a helmet.)
I am at the Hospital on the other side of town with my Mom, where I am now every day for several hours a day, when his friend calls me and tells me Hairy has hurt his leg. My response is so-and-so put Hairy on the phone!
baby hairy: Mom, I hurt my knee
Before you all judge me for being BITCH mom of the year, this happens like 3 times a week, calls with whining and complaining that usually end up in pleas to buy soda and burgers.
me: baby hairy, I am at the hospital with Grandma on the other side of town (pissed off tone)
baby hairy: WHAT?! Grandma's in the hospital? Why is she in Orlando?
me: baby hairy, put so-and-so back on the phone. So-and-so, get an adult employee from Vans and sit with him I am on my way to take him to the hospital.
So, baby hairy had a concussion, CT scan was fine.
Did you know that when people get a concussion they have memory loss and ask the same 6 or 7 questions over and over and over and have no memory of doing so.
It was very scary, for the first 3 hours, once the doctor said it was normal and would probably wear off after 12 hours and rest it became the MOST ANNOYING THING EVER.
Stinky long haired 17 year old repeating these questions ever 3 minutes for 10 hours (apparently he drank a shit load of Mountain Dew at Vans and was not sleepy at ALL)
How did I get here?
Did I bump my head? Wasn't I wearing a helmet?
Ow, my knew hurts, oh no did I rip my jeans?
Where is I pod touch?
Did anyone see me fall?
Do you have my phone?
oh, my head hurts.
At one point you start to wonder if they are messing with you, I mean, they all after all teen aged pain in the ass boys. When he over hear us talking about Grandma in the hospital, he was so alarmed, and asked what happened. When I told him she had a stroke and an brain aneurysm, his eyes welled up with tears. That's when I moved him to my room (so he wouldn't over hear any one's conversations) with plenty of food (and beer for me) and we watched TV and I answered his questions over and over until he fell asleep.
ahhhhhhhhhhh, the joys of motherhood never end
I told him the news and his response was "That's great, maybe the Republicans will shut up for a few" then he dropped the towel and started to dress.
Just then as I starred at his perfect ass, I thought to myself: Girl, you done good!
Look at that man, after 19 years of marriage still wearing a size 32 pant, looking all hot, and he is now your perfect political match. Seriously, what more could you ask for.
When I married my husband he was a republican, a conservative one at that. What can I say, the power of my cuca brought him to the light. It has helped his brain expand, his social conscience to develop, etc, etc, etc....hot damn, I gots a powerful cuca!
Friday, October 9, 2009
- I haven't been blogging, not because I don't have anything to say, but because everything I have to say is depressing and I don't want to talk about it.
- My assistant is going on vacation next week, the whole week, I think I might DIE, no joke.
- My 18 year old son FINALLY got his license to drive (miraculously on the first TRY!)
- He asked me when I was getting him a car, ha-ha , as if getting a license means someone is supposed to just give you a car. Silly rabbit, get a JOB!
- My baby/dog Lulu is in Heat, it is her second heat, we need to wait 'till her 4th to breed her. My husband thinks we are keeping 1 girl puppy, but we are going to keep 2 and I am going to name them: bambi and buttercup, I can hardly wait to be a GRANDMA!
- I am working on a plan where I will be a stay at home dog mama, any suggestions on how to make this happen?
- My youngest cried the whole time he was with my Mom this week and every night after, he doesn't want to talk about it (hmmm, I wonder where he gets that from)
- They made my Mom put her make up on in occupational therapy, she kind of looked like a Latina Tammy Faye Baker.
- She was pissed because she didn't remember doing it herself and thought one of the nurses had done a pretty lousy job! ha-ha
- She keeps on saying she has cash in the pocket of her orange purse, we need to tip $50 to each of the nice girls who are helping her (the therapists and nurses)
- I need to tell my Dad to bring the Orange purse when he comes (just in case there is a wad of money in there, you never know)
Friday, October 2, 2009
Her- *hack*hack* hello
Me- Hey what's up
Her- I am SO sick
Her- I'm dying
Me- hmmmm, did you go to bed really late last night?
Me- Did you drink a shit load of vodka?
Her- um, yeah
Me- Sweetie, you're not sick, it's called a HANGOVER
Her- HA-HA-HA (not a real laugh, but a sarcastic she thinks I'm a bitch laugh)
Me- And YOU of all people should know this by now: H-A-N-G-O-V-E-R
This is what happens when your husband and kids go out of town- WE BREAK OUT THE VODKA!