Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Drinking & Driving

Hey All! I had foot surgery AGAIN! BLEH! 8 days and 3 lbs gained later I am finally out and about! The hubs stuck by me THICK and thin. Mostly thick, because he was truly horrified at not only how much but how often I eat. When he finally mentioned it, my very appropriate response was "Just bring me the whole box of cereal, I don't need a bowel or milk!" Below, you will find my new mode of transportation, to which the Hubs comment was"Thank GOD you are on antibiotics and can't drink! Damn menace!" As I ride my little cart I sing two songs "Woot-woot, pull over that ass to phat" and of course the ever classic "Ridin Dirty"
It took me a few days to get the hand of zipping around on my little knee walker, and believe me when I say I can haul ass on that thing! The poor dogs are rightfully terrified of it! What I really need to do is put  a cup holder and a little basket, then it would be perfection. Straight aways are fine, but I do have some trouble with the 3 point turns...so much so, that the Hubs has taken to calling me "Austin." See the exact reason below...

And by the way the answer is NO you can't have my left over pain killers!

Thursday, January 10, 2013


A man and a woman who had never met before, 
but who were both married to other people, 
found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
transcontinental train. 
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, 
they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper
berth and she in the lower. 

At 1:00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,

I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the
closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold' 

'I have a better idea,' she replied 'Just for tonight ... let's pretend that we're married' 

  That's a great idea!' he exclaimed. 

'Good,' she replied
 'Get your own fucking blanket.' 

After a moment of silence, he farted. 

The End
*sent to me by my amazing neighbor Mary  : )