Tuesday, March 17, 2009

maybe I'm an exhibitionist...

The more awkward stories I write about, the more I begin to wonder....maybe I am an exhibitionist. Really, there is a pattern here, mostly the pattern is my nakey butt, or other parts. And so, this weeks edition of Former Fat Chick Awkward stories begins.
I was a my girlfriends house next door, well not exactly next door, there was an empty lot between my house and hers. It was Saturday night and we were going out, we would hang out at her house quite often.
1. She lived alone with her Mom (not so much parental supervision)
2. Her Mom was young and cool
3. Her Mom was a Flight Attendant and not home often
4. Her Mom let us use all her stuff: make-up, jewelry, clothes, purses, WIGS!
We must have been drinking because we decided we were going out in blond wigs that night *wooo-hooo* awesome idea. I jumped in the shower, popped out, my GF did my make up and put my wig on....suddenly I was Marilyn Monroe. Just one thing, I had to run home and grab a pair of jeans. I had come over in shorts & a tee and now was all dolled up, and there was no way my thighs and ass were going to fit in my skinny minnie friends jeans.
So this was my logic: I can take my time, find my clothes in the giant pile on the floor and ruin my hair and make up by pulling a t-shirt on and then pulling in off in 2 seconds later when I am home. Or I can run home in my towel and get dressed. We lived on a very dark street, and it had 2 speed bumps, so almost no one ever drove up and down it. Seriously, what's the worst that could happen? What a moronic question.
Well...as I clutched my towel (which was not very large) and ran towards my house, out of the empty lot runs staight into my path, a big fat RAT. It stops dead in it's track, right in front of me. There we stood looking at each other, a face-off. Neither of us move, I run to the right, the rat runs to the right. I run to the left, the rat runs to left. The MOFO wanted to dance! The entire time, I am screaming my head off. I know the cute neighbors (who had already seen my granny panties) across the street will soon come out to see what is going on...so I decide to jump OVER the RAT and make a run for it.
5, 4, 3, 2, 1.....I jump up and forward towards my house. At that exact same moment the rat had decided that maybe it should run away from me. As my foot landed all I heard was a loud SQUISH...splat. The next thing I heard was the sound of my own screaming and boy was it loud *AAAAAAAAAHHHHH* I had landed on the RAT. In my panic the towel had slipped from one of my hands. The towel was now only covering my front side, as I darted the last 10 feet to my house.
Of course, while all this was going on the our "ride" (i.e. a car full of boys) had pulled up to my GF house and had seen me, covered in a towel and a blond wig, jump around in the street, then suddenly, jump forward, release the towel, give them a BIG OLE MOON, all while screaming and then run into my house. Of course all while being brightly lighten by the car's headlights.
Oh the joy of being a teenager.......humiliation was never so sweet. As always my friends, that was AWKWARD!
And as always thanks to TOVA for helping us share!


  1. This story is is insanely cool. ha! you're sure you're not lying?

  2. I actually ran into one of the boys that lived across the street from me, about 2 years ago. We were visitng my parents and went to lunch with hubby. There he was, sitting having lunch with a freind of hubby (small town.) We walked over and said HI. All the BOY kept on saying was "You look EXACTLY the same as when you lived across the street from me" everytime he said this he moved his head up and down...yeah, he was trying to remeber what I looked like bare ass.

  3. I think I just pee'd my pants a little. This is so freakin' funny.

  4. I hope you don't mind, but I had to post a link to this story on my facebook page. This is one of THE funniest things I've ever read.

  5. Not at all! My blog is on facebook as well...I am def a more the merrier type o' gal!

  6. I have to say, you did the DUMBEST thing when we were gone!

  7. well DUH, coco, I was 12-18 when you were gone, when else go you do the most dumb stuff in your life???

  8. You couldn't make this kind of stuff up... even if you tried. Thanks for sharing!


I love you Darling, really! Thank you!