My husband thinks I'm 5'2.....

My husband has put up one of his motorcycles up for sale...no, not because he wants more room in the garage, (remember he decided to clean it out a while back) not because he has found better use for his money...of course not, he has found a NEW bike.

We have been going back and forth and he found the one he wants, scored a great deal and we are going up to Georgia this weekend to get it.

The bike is a "custom" bike and is designed to seat only one person, however there are foot pegs, so we asked the owner about adding a second seat.

This was his answer: " The bike can accommodate a second passenger, you just need to add a suction seat. However it was designed to accommodate my wife. She is 5"2 and weighs 110lbs."

My husband happily skips in the room and announces: SEE! You can ride the bike!

Me- WHAT?!

HUBS: Yeah, you're about 5'2

Me- NO, I am over 5'6 and I weigh 150lbs!

This is all very good news to me, it means while he is out riding his new bitch, I mean bike, I get some ME TIME!

Time to go to the salon
Time to read a good book
Time to nap
Time to watch trashy TV

Yes, money well spent on a new bike....

weekend, woe is me

My hubs wants to clean out the garage and the master closet this weekend. Now this would not be such a problem...except that he is going to SEE all the shoes.

This is how it will go in the closet...

How many RED shoes does one person need?!

OK, listen, they are not all red. Orange, Red and Pink are three different colors, and then we have:

watermelon suede pumps
lilac mules
cherry red Paten leather peep toes
brick wedge boots
orange tennis shoes
fuchsia flip flops
red loafers
baby pink flats

The list goes on and on...they are all VERY different and VERY necessary.

Then he will move to the garage , and in the cabinets behind the pool cleaner stuff he will find the blue Rubbermaid bin filled with all the shoes that don't fit in my closet! ah!!!

Hug ME! PLEASE!

I saw this for sale on-line today...REALLY?!? Who would buy this?

If this were me the caption would say: Why is this DUMMY trying to feel me up while I'm sleeping!?

This is the product description:

Hug Me Pillow
Compare at: $44.95

Today's Price: $29.99
You Save:
$14.96 (33%)

The Hug Me pillow provides comfort as well as piece of mind-

WHAT the HELL? Piece of mind? Is he going to pay the bills? Change some diapers? Chase off intruders? Bring you cocktails so you don't have to wiggle your boobies at the bar to get a drink? I think NOT, I will keep my HUBS!

I know, I blog about beating him, about how he drive me crazy, about how lazy he is, but I like him, why else would I keep him around after AN ETERNITY (this is how I will now refer to the fact that I have been married for 18 years, and almost 5 months.)

The Man thinks I'm mean

10 pm- The man is watching Lisa Lampenelli (the funniest woman ever)
10 pm- I am cleaning up the kitchen, laughing cuz I can hear Lisa Lampanelli
10:15- The man is watching Lisa Lampenelli
10:15- I am purchasing the tickets for our Thanksgiving Trip, laughing cuz I can hear LL
10:20- The man is still watching LL
10:20- I am feeding the dog and getting her ready for bed, laughing cuz I can hear LL
10:30- The man is watching LL
10:30- I am rounding up the hairy ones corralling back to their rooms where they will pretend to sleep, but will really be TXT'ing, IM'ing, on their cell phones or even climbing out the windows (oh yes, both busted the same night!) while still laughing with LL
10:45- The man is watching LL
10:45- I am turning off lights, fans, locking doors, turning on the dishwasher and laughing at hearing LL
10:59- The man turns off the TV, rolls over and announces we have to go to sleep NOW!
10:59- I dump a load of clean laundry (all his gym stuff) on the bed...this is what ensued:

Man- I HAVE to go to sleep, just dump them over there
Me- No
Man- I can't sleep with the light on and all that clothes on the bed
Me- so
Man- What do you want me to do *whine*
Me- HOW ABOUT HELP ME FOLD YOUR CLOTHES!
Man- your as mean as Lisa Lampenelli!
Me- well maybe I'll run off and be a comedienne!
Man- you should, you're mean enough, crazy and a little funny

hmmmmmmm....dully noted, man, dully noted