Hodge Podge

So I have been super lazy- it may be the heat, it may be because it's summer or more likely because well, I'm lazy in general, so sorry for not posting.

The HUBS is out of town for almost 2 weeks! Crazy! I thought I was going to be living it up and have girls night out EVERY night...He left on Wednesday evening so far this is all the exciting stuff I have done:

Wednesday: Watched a DVD- Hachi: A Dog's Tale (stars Richard Gere) OK, if you are SICK and want to torture yourself, cry and make your stomach hurt as well as rip you heart out- then this is a must see flick for you! If not, send it to someone you HATE sit back and giggle.

Thursday: Was using the HUBS car, as he left mine in Miami (where he left from on his trip) when I tried to leave work, his car would not start and it wouldn;t let the key come out (it was stuck in the ignition.) Called road side assistance, waited 1.5 hours, got a ride home.

Friday: Still no car. Took oldest son's car to the movie with youngest son and friends: watched Despicable me. It was hilarious-son kept on telling met o keep it down- he is totally embarrassed by my cackling!

Saturday: Got a ride to car dealer and they gave me a loaner- yeah, because my car is out of warranty and they are charging me $1500 to fix it. Isn't that so sweet of them?

So, my goodness, there has been so much exciting and adventure- I can barely stand it...oh yeah, did I mention the water heater broke? Yeah, I am ignoring it and taking very short showers (at least is like 110 degrees outside so that water is not that cold) It took the 18 year old 4 days to notice we had no hot water. Guess what that means...yep, he hadn't bathed for 4 days....ewwwwwwwwwww, boys.

However I have sleeping at least 10 hours a day! haha, that is wonderful and I also have been watching all the TV shows I want to watch but the HUBS hates:

You're cut off!
Discovery Health- Half Ton Mom, Dad, Teen, etc
Discovery Health- Baby's Story
Snapped!
Cheaters
Teen Mom
At least 8 hours straight of HGTV
Another 8 of the Food Network

Oh, not to mention all the movies!

The Women
Grey Gardens
InkHeart (that one was stupid)
Cop Out (ok, my son made me watch this. Hello! Tracy Morgan is hysterical!)
Temple Grandin (amazing)

Do not fret all is not lost- I am currently trying to recruit anyone in going with me to a drag queen show on Saturday and luring a gay aquaintance over (who I wish to make my official gay) for Horror Movie Night marathon...I will let you know how it goes.

On another note, I went to but gas in the stupid rental and saw this:


Who the HELL do they think they are marketing to? Really!? Ladies, do you "power up" with a GIANT ASS SODA? When you think of yourself as a "super mom" do you envision giant round boobies and a down to there neckline? Do those giant ass soda's make your biceps hard? What is going on here?

Wax on, Wax off

Remember the summer of 1984- it was so hot and sticky and you escaped the heat to a cool movie theater only to discover Ralph Macchio in the Karate Kid, he was your dream boy. Little did you know he was really like 32 years old!

We all fell in love with him the moment he had to get in his Mom's beat up station wagon to pick up his date. What I also remember about that movie was it teaching me indiretly what "whack off" means. HUH?! Yeah, you heard me. Soon after the movie boys in school were making jokes about "wax on, whack off" Well, there you go, how I learned that boys masturbated.

On Sunday night I was watching the MTV Movie awards with my baby, who by the way turns 18 in July *nooooooooo* The show was littered with commercials for the upcoming new and improved Karate Kid. In one of the commercials Jackie Chan, is teaching the kid the equivalent of "wax on"only he says: Jacket on.

wha-wha-WHAT?!?! I turn to my son and make my "goofy teenage boy" to him "If it is Jacket on, does that mean the next move is- JACKET OFF?!" with a slight hand gesture (I know, it's horrifying to find out I am that Mom!) He looks at me- brings his hand to his face and groans, but laughs at the same time- MOM! hahaha...jacket it off!

He pretends I'm not funny and tells me how unfunny I am all the time, but let's face it: I KNOW I AM FUNNY! bua-hahaha, how do I know? I crack myself UP all the DAMN time!

Crap Movie

Thanks to Netflix last night I got to watch a craptastic movie called: Knowing.

Really, for years now I have avoided any movie starring Nicolas Cage and as I thought about it last night, I was PISSED!

What happened Nicolas Cage?!?! How did you go from this:A sexy sexy wooden handed man in Moonlighting to this:





A man starring in every crappy script thrown his way?

OK, let's forget about looks, think only of the his amazing beginnings: Fast Times at Ridegmont High, Rumble Fish, Raising Arizona to end up in Ghost Rider, National Treasure, The Wicker man, let alone Knowing.

It annoys me so much that it almost ruins Moonstruck for me! I love that movie and watch it at least once a year, but it is getting hard for me to watch it without thinking of where Nicolas Cage is headed.

I wanna run into him and slap him across the face and yell "SNAP OUT OF IT!" just like Cher.

Is the wooden hand thing wrong?

Addmission of Guilt, Axis of Evil

So, a few posts ago I told you all about the evil stepsisters....and of course sister #1 had once again to pretend it was all a BIG FAT LIE...however, this Summer we all got together at a beach house, where there was finally an admission of guilt by evil step sister #2. This is what was admitted too...

The evils asked my mother or permission to go to the movies with 2 male friends, they were granted permission with the condition that they take me along, which meant that they were to see a family film, as I was 5. Keep this number in mind: 5!

We go to the movies, me, ES #1, ES #2, and the Pacheco bros. Did we seen Benji? no... Did we see Bugsy Malone (w/ Scott Baio) no...How about the Muppet Show or Bad News Bears? NO, NO, NO...we saw JAWS. In a dark theater, very loudly, too embarrassed to wait outside or cover my face in horror in front of two teenage boys. I saw JAWS, all of it.

Now, I must have been threatened with in inches of my life because I did not tell, however the effects are still present!

• when we went water skiing (I was 11) in a man made lake, and I fell and had to wait for the boat to circle around to pick me up, I almost drown due to a panic attack
• I am forever uncomfortable swimming out in the ocean
• I can't even swim in a pool at night!

Now when I was 18, I was at the beach with Evil #2 and she had swum out and was calling me to go to where she was. I was wadding and started inching towards her, but then there was a drop off, a big one. I couldn't do it. She swam back and tried to make me come out, grabbing my had and coaxing me, we'll do it together. I was almost in tears. I am sure that was the moment she realized how bad watching JAWS at 5 can be for you. Still the little evil #2 did not mention the evil deed.

Lo and behold we all got together at a beach house and as always I brought up my horrific scars caused by the terrible actions of the evil sisters and to my disbelief she blurted " we didn't think they would let us in" A-HA! I made her repeat it in front of everyone- Admission of guilt...