Christmas is Cancelled

This is what I told my kids when we got back form our 10 day Thanksgiving Vacation. They thought I was kidding. I reminded them of the extremely extravagant Christmas gifts they had gotten last year (musical instruments which cost lots of $$$$) the gifts the had begged for years, and now how those same gift a mere 11 months later are still untouched gathering dust in the garage, plus the ipods, video ipods, one which was lost, the other that went through the wash. I then reminded them we had just gone on a very expensive vacation and spent lots o' money, therefore, don't expect X-mas gifts. Now, don't get your panties all in a bunch ladies, they are not 5 years old, they are 16 and almost 18, they are big boys!

As we put up the tree Hairy #2 asked "why are we putting up the tree if there aren't going to be any presents?" Um...because it's paid for (fake tree) and it looks pretty. The following day I drag them with me to Lowe's to load mulch in to the van, as the yard is looking mighty pathetic, and at Lowes I see an awesome "chimenea" like a pottery outdoor fireplace, which I have been wanting for like 2 years for the backyard and it's on sale! I show them how pretty it is and what a good price it is at and then wonder out loud..."should I take it" ha-ha They lost their shiz..."you just said we get no presents because you're broke!" hahah, oh, yeah. No chimenea!

Later that day I hear them bickering, which is usually all the damn time, and Hairy #1 said to Hairy #2 "man...it's all your fault we aren't getting presents, you had to ask for that freaking electronic drum set, that cost $$$" I can't even bring myself to write what we paid for that things, it is obscene. Hairy #2 comeback- "no, it;s not, you eat for like 5 people, that's why Mom is always broke, fatty" This has gone on all week. I put the drum set up for sale on Craigslist and if I am lucky I will get 1/2 of what I spent last Christmas, if I do Christmas will be saved and I will by them junk that will be in the garage or garbage with in a month.

Of course The Man who among his many faults is son #5 of a family of 9 children, and who claims to have gotten rotten gifts his entire childhood (for example, he wanted a Han Solo- he got Buck Rodgers, he wanted a GI Joe- he got Ken, as a teenager he got socks, etc, etc, etc) told me yesterday that he wanted to "some" gifts under the tree this Sunday.

Evil Step Sisters

Hey people, there are 3 stories that truly capture the evilness of the step sisters. OK, they are my real sisters, and they are no longer evil, they must have been exchanged by Aliens at some point too, because now they are nice. I will only release one sad story at a time, because I am sure, if I tell you them all at once, the evil step sisters might get death threats and such. Of course, there is no recollection whatsoever of any of the stories I am about to share, except for me, the affected party. The sisters have selective memory and the parents deny. I am the baby, they are 6 & 7 years older than I am, and well, we all know the baby is always the favorite, dare I say that's why they were not nice.

I think I was 6 years old, my parents went out to some party and left my oldest sister in charge. No sooner had they left, the evils decide to tell me that I was adopted. Not regular "you're adopted" mean stuff you tell your little sister, no, your Mom is......"doot-do-roo" (that's suspenseful music) Pepper! Pepper? Yes, the springer spaniel, our pet is your real mother. WTF? Well, of course my response was "na-uh, am not" These are a list of the facts that were presented to me by the evils:

• Mom and Dad found Pepper on the side of the road and brought her home
• weeks later you were born, a strange creature, but the cleaned you up and decided to raise as there own, sisnce they thought you were cute & since they felt sorry for you
• They were done having kids, why would they wait 6 years to have another baby?

and last but no least the HARD evidence...they brought out all the picture albums, and apparently my Dad must have got Pepper around the time I was born, because they showed me picture after picture of Mom, Dad and the two evils, then....all of a sudden in every picture was Mom, Dad, the two evil, me and the damn dog! I was 6 and obviously gullible. So I was promptly kicked out of the TV room and told to go be with my Mom!

When my parents came home late that night and asked my sister's where I was and everyone had to look for me, I was with Pepper in the dog house fast asleep. I vividly remember crying and telling the dog "waaaaa, you're the only one who loves me, I always knew you were my mommy, waaaaaaa" the dog licking the tears on my cheeks...What can I say I was a huge drama queen!