Thursday, August 4, 2011
Spanx, not for the faint hearted
Friday, January 14, 2011
Dear Brian, I'm sorry
Thursday, February 18, 2010
I Love me some Shani Davis

Could he be more adorable? An inner- city kid from Chi-town, raised by a single Mom!
Love IT! However, all I could think about all night last was:
HONEY, where is my suit?
You tell me WHERE MY SUIT IS WOMAN!
Is that WRONG?OH! Also, BOGO is going on at Payless, so yesterday I went to Dillard's and bought 2 pairs of RED shoes, some AWESOME Steve Madden suede retro pumps with a ruffle, freaking ADORABLE, and some HOT ASS BCBG strappy sandals totally bejeweled out, with gold metal heels, MUY CALIENTE Floozy shoes!
*FYI- if you have not red my blog before, I tell my husband I buy my shoes at Payless when BOGO is going on, so he thinks they are CHEAP, which means I have to buy then 2 at a time!
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
one conversation
Mother- OH! I need you to get me something, OK? I need you to buy me some bloomers.
Daughter- Fine Mom, what kind would you like me to get you.
Mother- Oh, you know. Cotton, no frills, big ones, like Grandma under wear.
Daughter- Wow, considering you are a 70 something Grandma, I guess your g-string days are over, huh?
Mother- Oh, not really, just for now.
12 year old grand daughter- AHHHHHHHHHHH! Grandma!
Monday, January 4, 2010
Lookey what I got for Christmas!
Any way, what did I get in return for such a beautiful and Nobel gesture? I got a BOOB Scarf! hahahah- I just crack up every time I see it! OK, not really, but if any one would ever give this to me, I swear to Buddha that I would wear it. Only when going out with the stinky, hairy men that sleep and eat in my house (yes, my kids) or at home when they had their friends over. Just for shits and giggles!
I would lurk around the fridge and see if they were trying to drink my booze....

OK, so I did get some fun and funny gifts. When I get a little breather I will post and blog further.
I hope everyone one had a fantastic holidays and phenomenal New Year's!
Thursday, October 15, 2009
A is for Alligators all around, B bursting balloons
Friday, October 2, 2009
My kind of BFF
Her- *hack*hack* hello
Me- Hey what's up
Her- I am SO sick
Me- Really?
Her- I'm dying
Me- hmmmm, did you go to bed really late last night?
Her- yeah
Me- Did you drink a shit load of vodka?
Her- um, yeah
Me- Sweetie, you're not sick, it's called a HANGOVER
Her- HA-HA-HA (not a real laugh, but a sarcastic she thinks I'm a bitch laugh)
Me- And YOU of all people should know this by now: H-A-N-G-O-V-E-R
This is what happens when your husband and kids go out of town- WE BREAK OUT THE VODKA!
Friday, August 21, 2009
Friday Mish Mash
I love Google, what on earth did we do before the Internet. For example, if let's just say, you had to find out why someones poop is bright green, what did you do before the Internet? Did you call your Mom? The Doctor, or just suffer in agony thinking something was very wrong with you. Well it turns out that bright green poo can be caused by eating a BOAT LOAD of Jelly beans or Skittles. Now, all I am going to say is that the producer of the bright green poo eats about a pound of candy a day, but said person also runs 7 miles, 6 days a week, so said person can get away with eating 3 pounds of candy a day, but was freaked out by the glow in the dark green poo. It is obviously not me, I will only run if some with a knife is chasing me, and then I would consider just laying down and letting them kill rather than wasting my time pretending I could out run a knife wielding maniac.
- Alonzo Mourning (I have met him in person a couple of time and OMG)
- Dwayne Johnson- The Rock
- Dennis Quiad
- Ryan Reynolds
- Jason Statham
- Jeff Goldblum
- Carlos Ponce (have met him too, oh my...drool)
- Ryan Gosling
- David Beckham
- Eric Bana
Ladies and gays, if you do not know who any of these men are I encourage you to look them up on Google Images, deliciosos!
- My son is 18
- She seriously almost killed us
- It was so bad my son actually took off his Ipod and said "Dude, that lady needs to learn to drive"
- Is it wrong that my kids call me Dude?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
Camel Toads vs toes
Boy, how times have changed....EXHIBIT B, the chic with an actual Camel tattoo on her big toe, ewwww, GROSS, by the way sweetie, it's called a PEDICURE, get one!
Ladies and gay boyfriends, I give you EXHIBIT C- The Cuchini!
Genius, I tell you GENIUS! My sister sent me this CUCHINI link the other day and I started screaming, because (I swear to BUDDHA, this is true) like a month a ago I was thinking there was a market in inventing something that prevented Camel Toe, come on, you know it's true! Of course, some smart ass in Florida already did! Monday, June 22, 2009
Monday Mourning

Friday, June 19, 2009
Tramp Stamps Galore
I have seen lovely tattoos on lovely girls, but posting about that just wouldn't be me. So to satisfy the inner bitch in me, here are some classically bad TRAMP STAMPS! Hope none of them are your sister, or you, or you Momma or worse of all YOUR DAUGHTERS! hahahaaaaaaTHE GOOD BOOK NEVER LOOKED SO BAD!

MAKING MAMA & PAPA PROUD!

OH LORD! THERE ARE NO WORDS FOR HOW AWESOMELY BAD THIS IS!

I will never look at a butterfly in the same way again!
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Crazed Mama moments
I am sure I will have a valid explanation for each one.
The reason I am thinking of this, is because the other day I was thinking of all the crazy stuff my mom used to say to me. I am sure in her mind the was a very valid reason to say these things. I think the problem lies within the the fact (I say this because this is why I do it) that we just say stuff to our kids and want them to blindly accept them, seriously, it would never stop if we had to explain every damn thing to them.
So here is a list of the crazy stuff my Mom said to me over the years:
1. You can't have those Precious Moments dolls, why do you want them? They look like they have Downs syndrome. (I was 6)
2. You are too old to get a Cabbage Patch Doll (I was 12)
3. You are too young to go to the movies with your friends alone (I was 12, make up your mind lady)
4. You can't be the great pumpkin for Halloween, how are you going to dance with the boys? (I was 12)
5. You are too young to shave your legs (I was 12)
6. You know what my Mom used to do? She would rub alcohol on her legs and then light it to burn the hairs off, because her mom didn't let her shave her legs, maybe you should try that! (Wait...I can't shave, but I should set myself on FIRE?! I was 12)
7. That bra does nothing for you, you need a serious under wire (HUH?! wire, sound painful! I was 15)
8. How about changing boyfriend less than you change your underwear (I was 16, what! I was popular, had to play the field!)
9. I know we have never had the talk, but... (um, too late now, I was 17)
10. You know, you can't get married in WHITE (the HELL I CAN! I was 18)
Friday, June 5, 2009
Don Bailey- Fancy a SHAG?
Oh my WORD, WOW! I was in LOVE; I screamed and hollered I laughed so hard. Just then my obsession was born. Don Bailey you are my MAN! I would drive by the various billboards all the time or see his delivery trucks and scream “I LOVE YOU DON BAILEY, YOU SEXY MAN!” I scream all the time in my car, even if I’m not alone. Sometimes I would just yell “PAPASOTE! Mi novio!” and blow a kiss to him. The year I turned 30, I commissioned a birthday cake with him on it, yeah baby! I will dig up the picture over the weekend, no I didn't have a digital camera back then! I promise to post it.....In short I have many obsessions, specially "local celebrities" but this is one of my all time favorites. He was 37 when he posed for the painting...I am 37...coincidence, I think not...you and me Don Bailey, it's written in the stars....just don't tell THE HUBS!
Below is a Miami Herald Article that I found on line....but there was no actual link- it's a great article!
HE BARED IT ALL TO COVER FLOORS By Nicholas Spangler
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
If you knew me
I NEED this done to my NAILS NOW!!!
If I ever DO have a girl, I have to move to TAIWAN, because this is where I will give birth, NO WHERE ELSE!
That's it....you think you know me now? Send me pics of stuff you think I would like...I will post the really good ones, and some of the really BAD ones...BWA-HAHAHA..or better yet, if you're rich, unlike me, send me the STUFF! hahahaaaaa, how would I explain that to the HUBS....um, I have a LOVER and he sends me Hello Kitty stuff and shoes (OMG, he sounds perfect!)