The QUEEN of Bad Ideas

I am the Queen of Bad Ideas. Remember when you were a kid and would get busted and the teachers and parents would talk about the "Ring Leader" and how this person had come up with the bad idea and then made everyone else go along with it....well, see, I AM the Ring Leader.

I was always the one thinking up the stunts, pranks and all around stupid stuff that got us all in trouble. This week I will dedicate my posts to list all of these incidents starting back as far as I can accurately remember. There are instances that I have heard repeated by my family that I don't actually remember myself, like the time I slipped out the hotel room, stripped and was found posing in the nekkid on a coffee table in the hotel lobby. I was easy to find, as the followed the trail of my clothes. I was 3 and already exhibiting exhibitionist tendencies. This one doesn't count, since I don't remember.

Granted, they will get worse as the weeks go on, because seriously, the trouble you got in in the 3rd grade can't possible compare to the trouble you can get into when you 17, can drive and are drinking, just saying. I will spare the names of my accomplices, which after the 8th grade were mostly boys, as I could no longer get girls to go along with my cockamamie plans and pranks. Boys always seemed much more open to being bad, and more willing to do what I said (this still hold true to this day.)

Brownies- the few short weeks, before I was kicked out.

Strike 1- refused to do the sewing project for the badge, mostly just sat and chatted with the other girls while they sewed. One poke in the finger with a needle was enough for me.

Strike 2- stole a box of Nilla Wafers and a pitcher of Kool-Aid and ate them as fast as we could, just for shits and giggles and then chugged the Kool-aid, come snack time, there was none (that was bad) then my little accomplice went home and threw up red goo (thought it was blood and she was dying) and confessed to her Mom on her death bed. Of course I too threw up red goo, but had the good sense too keep it to myself, that was proof the Brownie Leaders needed to nail us (like the kool-aid mustaches weren't enough???)

Strike 3- Went camping to a lake overnight. In my defense, we were sold a whole lot of hooey! We were told it was going to be FUN, swimming, dancing, singing by the campfire and "Smores and more 'Smores. Well, there was no mention of, clearing ground for the tents, gathering water to boil, gathering fire wood, pitching the tent, digging a latrine, yes, let me repeat digging a latrine (in the 4th grade) and then they decided it was too cold to swim. Awwww HELL to the NAH, snuck off (got at least 2 girls to go with) ditched the chores and went swimming in our clothes, then my brilliant plan was to say "we fell in the lake, whilst gathering water" apparently the 35 minute dip, the laughing, screaming and playing gave us away. Aslo in my defense, as I told my parent later, at least we didn;t go SKINNY DIPPING! jeez....

Your out of the Brownies!

Evil Step Sisters

Hey people, there are 3 stories that truly capture the evilness of the step sisters. OK, they are my real sisters, and they are no longer evil, they must have been exchanged by Aliens at some point too, because now they are nice. I will only release one sad story at a time, because I am sure, if I tell you them all at once, the evil step sisters might get death threats and such. Of course, there is no recollection whatsoever of any of the stories I am about to share, except for me, the affected party. The sisters have selective memory and the parents deny. I am the baby, they are 6 & 7 years older than I am, and well, we all know the baby is always the favorite, dare I say that's why they were not nice.

I think I was 6 years old, my parents went out to some party and left my oldest sister in charge. No sooner had they left, the evils decide to tell me that I was adopted. Not regular "you're adopted" mean stuff you tell your little sister, no, your Mom is......"doot-do-roo" (that's suspenseful music) Pepper! Pepper? Yes, the springer spaniel, our pet is your real mother. WTF? Well, of course my response was "na-uh, am not" These are a list of the facts that were presented to me by the evils:

• Mom and Dad found Pepper on the side of the road and brought her home
• weeks later you were born, a strange creature, but the cleaned you up and decided to raise as there own, sisnce they thought you were cute & since they felt sorry for you
• They were done having kids, why would they wait 6 years to have another baby?

and last but no least the HARD evidence...they brought out all the picture albums, and apparently my Dad must have got Pepper around the time I was born, because they showed me picture after picture of Mom, Dad and the two evils, then....all of a sudden in every picture was Mom, Dad, the two evil, me and the damn dog! I was 6 and obviously gullible. So I was promptly kicked out of the TV room and told to go be with my Mom!

When my parents came home late that night and asked my sister's where I was and everyone had to look for me, I was with Pepper in the dog house fast asleep. I vividly remember crying and telling the dog "waaaaa, you're the only one who loves me, I always knew you were my mommy, waaaaaaa" the dog licking the tears on my cheeks...What can I say I was a huge drama queen!