How Pumpkin Pie is really made...

I have never made a Pumpkin Pie....HELL, I have NEVER made a PIE!

This is my philosophy:

I am good at many, many things:

• dancing


• drinking vodka & tonic


• gossiping


• being funny


• trimming stinky squirming boy's toe nails


• whacking the right child in the back seat, while driving one handed and never taking my eyes off the road


• applying make up and face painting (for the chilrens) - they are not the same thing!


• Inspecting stinky boys after "baths" (includes but is not limited to: did you use soap? did you scrub with the wash cloth? did you put shampoo in your hair? Come here, let me sniff you)

I will have you know, that the above mentioned are just a few of my many talents. Don't get me wrong, I can cook.  As far as I can tell there is not a one starving person in my house (specially not me) and I make a sit down family dinner at least 4 nights a week. However, I do not pretend to be a professional, and it would be insulting to the true professional cooks, chef's and pastry people out there, that I purport that my cooking could compare to theirs, seriously they make a living at it!
So back to the topic, I have never made a Pumpkin Pie, imagine my surprise, when my girlfriend sent me this e-mail explaining how exactly Pumpkin Pies are made:



I think we will have Pecan pie at my house this year!

Tweeterific

I apologize for being so lame and posting my greatest TWEETS, but if I try to write a proper post, my left eye will explode, no lie.


Follow me on Twitter, I'm : @SugarTwittes

• Just how BIG is my BUTT you ask? Um, my skirts are like 4 inches shorter in the back than in the front..that BIG!

• If I was entrepreneurial I would design dresses and skirts for BIG BUTT women that were longer in the back ...hmmm, genius

• I call HUBS dick wad all the time, he replies "UR the Dick Wad" I go: define "DICKWAD" he has no idea, aye mi Ricky Ricardo!

• Sex in the shower is never as sexy as it sounds; especially if you are wearing a shower cap- just saying

• Don't get me wrong, I love that people actually follow me, but I have 6 strip clubs following, have no idea why, could b I have sugar twitts?

• Maybe I will become friends with on of these strip clubs and throw the HUBS a B-day Bash there! World's Best WIFE trophy awaits me!

• Is Moose Munch (however yummy) supposed to make your ASS the size of an actual MOOSE?

• We usually watch ELF on Christmas Day, but with "The Hangover" being release, I think it will be the new family tradition, is that wrong?

• ate too much moose munch...must try and button pants, then roll home...

• Love it! B-O-O-B is a palindrome!

• Did you know that 2010 is the year of the Tiger in the Chinese Calender? um, FAIL!

• Do ever have those days where you just crack YOURSELF UP, all day long...but no one else seems to laugh?!

• Holiday Tip #5- make sure you have more gifts for your stinky teenage boys than for for your lovely princess Little Lulu (American bulldog)

• Holiday Tip #4- Remember, always deny to your hubs that you went to Target. Target is a black hole that sux up all his $ & 1/2 your day

• 
  Holiday Tip #3- if said lunch break was 1 hour, do not get "lost" in Target for 2.5 hours

• 
  Holiday Tip #2- If you go to Target because you have a $80 credit, do NOT spend $280 (specially if broke, like me)

• 
  Holiday Tip #1- If you go to Target on you "lunch" break, make sure you are NOT wearing a RED shirt!

Greatest Christmas Decoration Ever!

One of my neighbor friends e-mailed this to me, I have not idea who did it , to give them credit, but OMG, who ever did this- You are a GENIUS! Please read the story below the picture!

"Good news is that I truly out did myself this year with my Christmas decorations. The bad news is that I had to take him down after 2 days. I had more people come screaming up to my house than ever.Great stories. But two things made me take it down.

First, the cops advised me that it would cause traffic accidents as they almost wrecked when they drove by.

Second, a 55 year old lady grabbed the 75 pound ladder almost killed herself putting it against my house and didn't realize it was fake until she climbed to the top (she was not happy). By the way, she was one of many people who attempted to do that. My yard couldn't take it either. I have more than a few tire tracks where people literally drove up my yard."