Not a Glamazon

I am not a Glamazon, I never really was...however I did have some standards:

• pedicures were a must
• I never went out with dirty hair, ever
• I only wore sweatpants in the privacy of my home
• If I was not wearing make up, I would throw on some sunglasses and put some lipstick on

More than once I remember seeing women in the market or the mall who were running around in flip flops with feet that vaguely resembles the wolf man's feet, unkempt and disheveled, and I would wonder to myself: What on earth is wrong with that woman? How can she leave her house like that?

Well people, it's called LIFE, LIFE is what more than likely has happened to those women. I have always been a busy working Mom and wife, however, always found the time to go to the salon, go to get waxed, etc, etc...add just one sick parent to that mix and ever thing flew out the window.

Saturday's was my Mom's nurses aide's day off, so I had to be there to help my Dad at 8:00am. I get up at 7am (an ungodly hour for the mother of teenagers, who has been sleeping gin every weekend for years). I pull on some sweat pants, flip flops and one of my husbands t-shirts, quickly shove a load of laundry in the machine and push start (thank goodness for the quick cycle) I run out the door to walk the dog. Back with the Dog, give her food and water, move the laundry from the washer to the dryer, and stuff a second load into the machine. Make coffee and grab and English muffin, my phone rings, my Dad needs me to pick something up on the way. Not time to shower, shove some clean clothes into a bag and assume I will take a shower at my parents a little later, which actully never happened.

As I am running around in WalMart, dirty hair, no make up, un-bathed, no bra, I look down at my feet and in a moment of horror I gasp...*ahhh* I'm that woman! I want to sit on the floor of WalMart and cry as I look at my toes, they look like 3rd world country homeless people feet (OK, that might be a tad of an exaggeration, but they are bad)

Instead I grab the generic size small adult diapers and run for the cash register, no time to sit and cry.

Worst thing that ever happened to ME

OK, so it's not really the worst thing ever, but it IS really shitty....and I have been getting a LOT of shitty lately.

Remember how I was called into audition for a Stein Mart commercial a couple of weeks ago and I was SO excited. Well, they never called, whatever.

Simultaneously, I was supposed to film a 15 second TV spot to run on the local Telemundo channel on Sunday for a Real Estate talk show thing. Not at all exciting, but I represent the business and I speak Spanish, so I'm doing the spot.

Yesterday, I am standing in the supermarket when I get a text message and it says: We are filming tomorrow, so sorry for the late notice.

My phone died last month so it erased every ones number and so I did not see that this message was coming from one of the owners of the business, to me it was a random number.

What do I do? Do I stop and think? Do I put 2 + 2 together?

NO! I start jumping up and down in the market, going: OMG Stein mart wants me in their commercial, a NATIONAL commercial.

Do I call the text message person back to discuss details? NO

I call my husband yell in his ear, tell him I might leave him when I'm famous. Then I text my sister, my 2 girl friends and my assistant.

I then call my sister and we GAB about how I am definitely going to need my SAG card and how this is my whole new career, etc, etc, etc

Just then my assistant text's me back: I don't have to be in it right?

You know that expression BURST YOUR BUBBLE- POP!

DUH! I drive up to the house, my husband greets me in the garage and says: What's wrong?

I explain and then (this is how I know it WAS really bad and I looked SUPER SAD)

The HUBS (who from now on will be know as the Guatemalan Chuck Norris) goes:

AWWWWWWWWWWWWW

I have never heard him say awwww, he is SO not the kind of man who says awwww, he's a bad ass Chuck Norris type.

So I'm at working today filming a infomercial for local Spanish TV instead of freaking getting famous with Stein Mart. SUX the BIG ONE!

Why the EFF did you have a kid?

I have been obsessed with this blog since the moment I saw it. Really, it is a never ending TRAIN WRECK that you can log in an look at when ever you want. I know, sick right?

I found it because it was left in the comment section of a very funny 20 something blogger, who now I can't remember her name site or how to get back to her blog...well, she is the one to blame for my very guilty pleasure:

Ladies, I give you: Why the F**K did you have a Kid?!

Please make sure NO ONE can see you screen!

Halloween Horror Night

We were all ready with our costumes, excited for the fun and parties when at 3pm I got a phone call from my mother in law, my husband's brother in law had passed away unexpectedly, leaving his youngest sister a widow at 33 with 3 children. Our plans changed from a Boo Bash to trying to book my husband a flight, getting him packed and on his way. He was out the door by 9pm. I settled in to bed at 11pm with the dog, for what I thought would be a restful (much needed) night. Midnight, the first son come home, wakes me up, doze off, 1 am the second son come home, wake up again. 2 am the dog strategically places her butt next to my head and farts a million times, wake up and I almost choke. 3 am the dog needs to go out to potty, wake up and open the door to the yard, 30 min later let her back in. 4:30 am the third son comes home, it was obvious he took advantage that he was not the designated driver, because it took him 15 minutes to get the key to open the door. Very noisy, farting dog woke up, barks in my ear like crazy. 8:30 am my Mom calls to get my husband's flight info and to find out where the mass will be held. I have no idea, doze off again. 9:30 I wake up and call my Mom-in-law, get the funeral arraignment information, call my Mom back and let her know. By now everyone has heard of the tragedy and stats calling the house to find out what happened, etc, looking for my husband. I am still in my PJ's at 2pm, yet have gotten no sleep and tonight my youngest is going to his very first Homecoming Dance, so I have to go buy him drees pants, and then chauffeur him to the dance from 8:30 to 12:30 tonight. No rest for the weary!