4th of July

Tomorrow is the 4th of July, and for the third year in a row we are going to our friends house on the lake. They have a HUGE to do and it is so much fun. Really, they go all out, great bbq, lots of booze, volleyball, horseshoes, jet skis, water skiing, firework and dancing. There are flags everywhere, they are way into the 4th..very patriotic.

Today is the 3rd and I have the day off, I have 2 things to do today:

1. Get a fake spray tan
2. Buy a one piece

You all know about the dreaded 10 lbs that came to visiting and have yet to leave, well they mostly have taken up residence in my thighs, and well I am not happy about that. The fake tan helps, really it does. It is sort of like wearing black, only all over your body. Fake tans are great (when you go to a professional) really the worst that can happen is that I end up looking like and Oompa- Loompa, and even then people would say "Wow, Joe invited an Oompa-Loompa to the 4th" as opposed to "Holy Shit look at her dimply thighs and huge ASS!"

However accomplishing my second goal of the day, buying a one piece is not that easy, I was not able to get any females to accompany me on my dreaded mission, I know how pathetic, I have NO friends. So it seems I will have to go with The Hubs and well, he is BRUTALLY honest. And I may never recover emotionally.

Keeping all that in mind , I think I may have come up with an alternate solution, I might just wear this to the BBQ tomorrow...it's just not very patriotic...

What do yo think? The downside is that the Party is going to be CHOCK FULL of Good Ole boys and well it could get ugly. I mean I live in the South and some of these guys have gun racks on their trucks and they all have that yellow sticker that says "Terrorist Hunting Permit!"

I would be funny if I wore a bikini under it and by 4 o'clock, when I'm sloshed I can lift up the burka and start flashing people! hhaaaaaaaa-ha! Dear Lord, I entertain myself constantly.

Happy 4th Everyone, have fun and be safe!