Friday, July 24, 2009

Tourists, Dunkin Donuts and little kids

I LOVE Dunking Donuts

I like kids

I tolerate tourists

I get a healthy dose of these three things every Friday. I live in Orlando and every Friday on my way to work I stop and buy donuts for the whole office. Why? Because I am the boss and I want everyone to LOVE me.

Anyway....the DD I go to is at the main entrance to Downtown Disney and all the Disney Parks, it is on my way to the office, but during the summer it is always jam packed of tourists just waiting for the parks to open.

The line is always insane, but the DD employees are super fast and efficient, except for when this happens:

Woman and a million kids have been standing in line for 20 minutes starring in to space, they finally get up to the front of the line and are asked for their order, at that moment the woman proceeds to ask each child what kind of donut they would like. Some of these kids don't even have verbal skills yet. DD has like 300 different kinds of donuts, she make the employee point at every single one until the kid grunts what the Mom assumes is a yes. The other gaggle of kids flip flop from chocolate with sprinkles, to strawberry to vanilla no sprinkles, 3 million times. REALLY?!?! There are 50 people in line behind you OCTOMOM (where the HELL did you get all those kids?) I am one of those people and I haven't had any coffee this morning, I am late to work and last night I had a Networking event where I had 3 glow in the dark martinis that were good at the time, but must have been made with Florida moonshine because MY HEAD is killing me, oh, and did I mention I am late to work and I am the Boss and that looks BAD, specially when you wrote up an employee last week for being consistently tardy to work?!?!!!!!!!!!

Don't give your kids choices! Just buy a dozen donuts and hand them over, THEY ARE DONUTS, they are ALL good! If you insist on giving your 2 year old choices, then do the sane thing: You want vanilla or chocolate, pick one. OK?!

Also...when you are in that Giant SUV that holds your million kids and get 3 miles a gallon on I-4 and realize you are all the way over in the left lane and the exit to Magic Kingdom is in 25 feet in on the right...DO NOT cross 5 lanes in 3 seconds, we are driving at 70 miles an hour and I am in a mini for fucks sake and your TANK could KILL me!

This has been a public service announcement from the sane people of Orlando. We love you and your money. Thank you and have a nice day.


  1. How about some herbal tea from starbucks?

  2. LOL. I hate it when you order a dozen and they IMMEDIATELY start filling the box with random doughuts. I am an adult and can pick pretty quickly. It always seems that they fill it with randome ones that I don't like.

  3. It NEVER fails. If I am late, I get behind someone like that, or a slow car, or hit every single red light.
    I wonder what kind of long term effect it has on kids to give them that much choice at such an early age. My mom would just hand me whatever food item, and if I didn't like it, then I didn't eat. Needless to say, I am not picky.

  4. Hi Former Fat Chick, like Fat Bastard said EAT! I tell my gainers that fat fattens best so put lots of half and half or heavy cream in your coffee with those cream filled donuts.

    The Biggest Fattest Blog on blogspot is outstanding.

  5. I dread having kids. I don't want to be that asshole with the obnoxious kids. Because... I'm already that asshole. (But I'm working on it, I promise!)

    I gave you an award, swing by for the Honest Scrap Award! :)

  6. This is when it is acceptable to punch a sub-retarded level human in their face in a restaurant or eatery of sorts...

  7. Shouldn't there be a strict adult to child ratio in all public places... but most of all in airports? I think this would fix MANY problems--for everyone.

  8. Hi! I enjoyed reading your blog. Keep it up! Have a nice day everyone!


I love you Darling, really! Thank you!