Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Hypochondriac My ASS!

The other day the HUBS had the audacity to insinuate that I may be a hypochondriac. Mostly because I hurt my right shoulder while drunk dancing on the 4th of July. Why is the drunken part important, because I mean really what the HELL kind of dance was I doing to actually injure my shoulder.

Take a minute and visualize this…me drunk in a monokini (not a unikini which I drunkly said all day) waving my arms around something FIERCE to injure my right shoulder. My theory is that I was churning my ass so much that the centrifugal force must have carried to my upper extremities. Why do I emphasize my RIGHT should? Because that WAS my one good shoulder. I have arthritis in my left shoulder and had surgery on it last year, awesome, great FUN, you must try it some time, really!

Anyway…I could NOT go to my Pilates class due to my post 4th injury. Mind you I paid for 20 classes like 4 months ago and it should have only taken me 1 month to use them up. This sets the freak off (the HUBS,) he starts his speech on how I have to get healthy, and have a responsibility to the family to be healthy…yadda..yadda...yadda…all I hear is the Peanuts Gang adult voices *wa-wa-woonk*wa* Now of all people, it’s true the HUBS can actually sit there and extol the virtues of exercise, the man is a MACHINE a complete BEAST, he works out at least once a day, EVERYDAY. He runs 7 miles in 7 minutes each.
Then he blames all my illnesses and surgeries on lack of exercise: Gall Bladder removal, thyroid disease, arthritis in shoulder, tonsils, c-sections, lap band (he may have a point on that one, but I never concede you know I'm big boned!) He just goes on and on and on….Me; I’m late for work and must nip this rant in the bud!

I look at him, dead in the eyes…really, lack of exercise REALLY?!? Because I have a freckle on my hoo-ha that the Dr. says needs to be biopsied! You think if I go run a MILE right now it will make the freckle go away??? I flip my hair, turn around and walk away.

That’s how you win every time; you bring on the BIG GUNS…your GYN problems.

8 comments:

  1. Oh so funny. Men can really SUCK IT sometimes. You should have punched him in the nose. heheheh Maybe not, but it would have felt good.

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  2. Hilarious Post!
    Great blog....just started reading and I am hooked!!

    Sassy Chica

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  3. Funny. Mine doesn't dare say anything about me excercising... or not excercising. But then again he doesn't do it either so he doesn't have a lot of room to talk.

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  4. I must say in HUBS defense, he says it truly for the health benefits, and he is in Olympian shape, seriously it's ridiculous. I do have GF's who have FAT ASS hubs that tell them they are getting chunky- swear to Budah!

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  5. I don't believe you. Please send photos.

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  6. The C-sections were DEFINITELY from lack of excercise aka not running fast enough!

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  7. How the hell did you get a freckle on your vajayjay? Wait, I'm not sure I want to know. Ha!

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I love you Darling, really! Thank you!