After the lovely news of my FATAL condition, I spent the next week being bounced from doctor to doctor, and in and out of the Hospital, worst of all I became the pawn of two feuding nurses. Now, I usually don't mind staying at the Hospital, but this time was a little different.
I arrived at the ER (not because I wanted to but because the Dr. said I HAD to and was in total cahoot's with the Hubs) at 12:30 pm, I had not eaten since breakfast at 8am, they did not run The first test until 7:30pm. No food, no water, not even ice! Have you ever had a CT Scan? They give you an IV and shoot some liquid in it and then stick you in the cylinder and apparently it activates the liquid so they can see what's going on. Well, the liquid that is running thru your veins get very, very HOT, first your arm, then you head and then...your crotch! It feel like you are on fire, I have decided that if this is what Menopause feels like...well, I may go the Suzanne Sommers route and take 400 pills a day and shoot up my va-jay-jay!
At 9:30 pm, they decide to hold me over night for observation, 13 hours no food, no water. At 11:30 I get a room, and a nurse comes to take all my data, this is where things get weird....
Nurse: On a scale of 1 to 4, how much of a role in your recuperation would you say your faith will have?
Me: wha? I have an eroded lap band, that is eating it's way into my stomach, I am not sure, um...0.
Nurse: Do you drink alcohol
Me: *mmmmm* yes
Nurse: How often?
Me: about 3 drinks a week (I am so proud, cause I think this is almost NOTHING!)
Nurse: when was the last time you drank?
Me: last Friday night, I had Saki with Sushi *droooool*
Nurse: Do you do any other drugs?
Me: Just he ones you are giving me right now in this here IV *smile*
Nurse: dead silence and stare - How are you feeling?
Me: well, my head hurts, I am dizzy, I am nauseous, and my stomach hurts...but I am sure if you let me eat, all that will get MUCH better
They had to give me more "Drugs" to make me sleep because I was so damn hungry!
At 8:30 am, 24 hours no food or water....the doctor comes by says I can go home...bland diet, nothing spicy, nothing bulky, take it easy to start with.
8:45am- a random woman comes by (does she have food? NO) and wants to pray. Of course I'm bored and almost ask her if she knows any prayers form the Koran? I don't, I just say No, Thank you, like 5 times and she leaves.
9:30am- The nurses won't give me FOOD or water, and they won't let me go home because my potassium is low and they need to give me a full IV and test it before I leave.
10:30- That nutty nurse finally gives me an apple sauce, one baby food size of apple sauce....and 6 ounces of water. 27 hours no food and water and they give me 2 oz of apple sauce?!? WTF!
2:30 The IV is finished, I have had 3 apple sauces (which were the worst apple sauce on the planet) I have taken a shower and am ready to go HOME (just waiting on the discharge papers) I am in a towel a tiny one, when a woman saying she is the Chaplin comes in my room. Awkward...she wants to pray, I - No Thank you I am going home!
This went on for about 5 minutes, asking me to pray, asking me what Church I go to (to which I almost said the Wicca one down the street, ever been?) but of course I didn't, because I will probably have surgery at this Hospital and what if they thought I was not joking!
I was tired, hungry, sore, desperate to go home, with no resolution whatsoever to my medical problem and dripping wet in a towel, with some hairy ass legs (I didn't know I was going to hospital, I would have shaved!)
I don't like being pried about my faith, or lack of, I don't like being pressured or feeling uncomfortable, on Monday I found out that the Hospital is Seventh Day Adventist, I know nothing about this religion, except that they were pushy at this particular Hospital. The HUBS says for sure it was because it was Saturday? whatever...
He picked me up and 31 hours no food or water- we went straight to, guess where....HOOTERS hahaha- for real, I at a whole pound of steamed crab legs, no seasoning...it's BLAND. I felt so much better, I almost wanted to go back and pray with that lady...Thank God for Hooters...I did have to restrain myself when lady behind me ordered wings, I practically leaned over and licked the greasy hot sauce right off her empty plate- what?! I could have said the Devil made me do it!