Friday, June 12, 2009

Fur Babies vs. Sons

Too late to bitch now, since we have 3 boys living at home, but this is why you should consider sticking to pets vs. children.
  1. You will never walk in on your dog having sex with it's girlfriend.
  2. You will never catch your dog trying to get his older brother to buy beer for him and his buddies.
  3. You will never get a call from a neighbor when your out of town saying there is a "funny" smell coming from your garage, cause your dog is in there with some other dogs smoking something that smells "funny."
  4. Also get a call from the same neighbors because there are 15 cars in front of your house while you are out of town and people making out on the hood of a car in your driveway.
  5. Your dog will never ask you repeatedly for years over and over to get a tattoo or piercing in their ears, eyebrows, lips, noses or tongues (dogs are not that stupid) or something called gages, which in turn allows you to let them run around with hair as long as Lady Godiva as a freaking compromise!
  6. You will never catch two of your dogs sneaking out of the house on the same night.
  7. You will never go to wash your dogs blanket and find a condom wrapper.
  8. Your dog will never bark at you "you're crazy, you overreact about everything!"
  9. You dog will never have 2 other dogs over and drink a case of beer and just assume you wouldn't even notice.
  10. You will never have to give the sex talk to your dog, you just get the fucker spayed or neutered.

on the other hand...

  1. Your kids will never chew up you favorite pink suede pumps
  2. Your kids will never steal your panties form the dirty clothes and eat them (I hope)
  3. Your kids won't pee and poo on your rug (mine did, potty training gone bad)
  4. You don't need to follow them with a Popper scooper their whole life (once they are potty trained)
  5. Your kids won't lick their own private parts (mostly because they can't reach)
  6. Your kids kids won't sniff your girlfriends crotch every time she comes over (unless she's a MILF)
  7. Your kids won't bite anyone (if they do they rarely break skin)
  8. Your kids won't get loose and chase a neighbor barking down the street
  9. If your kids ever knock someone up at least it won't be a litter of 8 (unless they are dating Octomom)
  10. You kid will never get the runns when you are not home and poo all over your bed, the walls and the carpet, oh yeah and then throw up on half your shoes.

DON'T FORGET TO GET IN ON MY GIVEAWAY!!! It's freaking AWESOME!

19 comments:

  1. This is laugh out loud funny...although I did *gasp* out loud on a couple of the first few listed items. LOL

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  2. Wow. You presented a whole new form of birth control!

    My vote: The FUR BABIES win!!!

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  3. I laughed so hard at these!

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  4. Ha! So true.

    I forwarded it to my husband!

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  5. I have a cramp from laughing.

    Our new pooch arrives next Friday.

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  7. That was supposed to be:

    I am now reconsidering whether or not to have more children! :)

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  8. Oh...too funny! I have to say - after the day I've had, furbabies are looking better all the time. Good thing you listed the drawbacks for me.

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  9. That is hilarious! I can picture each sentence as a scene from a prime time sitcom! You should be on tv!

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  10. Great post (and my 15 year old just left for a party) thanks.

    And thanks for the comments on my blog.

    I just gave you a shout out on my blog.

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  11. #7 One condom wrapper? Sheesh. I was putting clean clothes away and found FOUR condom wrappers. That one left me kind of speechless. Well, not really. I have a female "dog" and that beyotch is in so much trouble.

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  12. Each time I think you can't get any funnier, you do! This one absolutely rates as Prepalicious, oh yes! (Of course, I was shocked and aghast. Of course.)

    *So* funny I am sending it to the Consort. You are amazing.
    tp

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  13. Posts like this just reaffirm my decision to jump out of the gene pool!! Thanks for the morning chuckle!

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  14. omgosh! This is funny, and then scary all at the same time. Maybe I should just stop with the one boy then huh? Yeah, I am not looking forward to any of those things on your list. I have a (nearly) 16 year old step-son. And he's starting to scare me pretty badly. He doesn't live with us, so he only scares me on a limited basis.

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  15. Very funny post. You are so creative. I would like to read something like that 27 yrs. ago when even didn't know if get a dog or children.

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  16. You have an award waiting for you on my blog at this post.

    http://blazeandcrochet.blogspot.com/2009/06/kreativ-blogger-award.html

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  17. "Your kids won't lick their own private parts (mostly because they can't reach"

    how can a person tell you have boys? lol

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  18. Holy crap there is a lot of great reading here! I'm gonna have to slow down and respond to some others but THIS one in particular struck me. HAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Nicely done. I shall return! :-)

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I love you Darling, really! Thank you!