Friday, April 3, 2009

Lana-sadist/gynecologist/beauty technician

Part 2-

I wasn't going to leave you all hanging over the weekend, so here is the exciting conclusion too my bikini wax.
I hop up on the table and she starts making me get in all these yoga positions and telling me, OK, you grab here, hold here. I was literally an active participant of my own torture.
This went on for like what seemed an eternity and every time I was just about to pull the plug and say, NO MORE! I would look up at her and she would give me a big smile and 2 thumbs up! OMG, I had to stifle my laughter every time! It was like looking up at Mr. Miagi with a wig and lipstick and then she would say " You doin good, You doin so good!"Always with a HUGE smile on her face. I am sure I caught her enjoying herself, every time I cringed or writhed in pain.
What did she mean I was doing a good job? What was I doing? Beside not crying out in pain, as to not run off the customers just outside the door. Just then my cell phone, which is on the counter rings and she passes it to me.
I just stare at her. I AM NOT one of those people who are cell phone crazy, you know the ones you can hear chatting while they are using a toilet in a public restroom?
Lana: Go ahead, it's Ok, you tlak on the phone.
And since it seems that I doing EVERYTHING this woman tells me to do today, I answer. Of course it's THE HUBS, I mean really, who else calls me 300 times a day (only the boys, when they need $$$ or a ride.)
Me: Hello
Apparently just the HELLO had conveyed that I was in EXTREME pain and distress, he has heard that tone of voice a few times, which are always followed by trips to the ER.
Me: I am getting waxed, and it's hurts like a MOFO!
He did not call back. He wants nothing to do with that sort of thing, he only likes to reap the benefits.
She finished the waxing and took to me with tweezers making sure she got every stray! By that time, I was sure I was in shock as I felt nothing.
Well, soon enough it was over, she slapped some talcum power on me and sent me on my way. And that my friend is the story of Lana my new wax lady.
* to answer a few questions (I don't want to be too graphic, what if a creepy guy is reading this, EWW~ or worse if the HUBS sees it, he'll just die!)
  • I can not shave, it irritates my skin to no degree, so does waxing, but it goes away within hours
  • I don't wax EVERYTHING
  • I don't even do the Brazilian
  • I do the Tahitian (not as drastic) - look it up, cause I am not making a diagram of my privates.

I do have another waxing story, I will post it soon, but it doesn't involve's about a place called THE DUNGEON in South Beach- Toddles chicas-


  1. Google's not giving me anything for a Tahitian bikini wax. Everyone I know comes to me for explanations of the latest fads (particularly sex related eg: anal bleaching, screaming eagles, turkey slapping etc etc) so you must explain to me or give me a link to an image of a tahitian bikini wax. Its for the greater good of the wider community. Thank you! (BTW - My jutse got a case of "sunburn" the first and only time I got a brazilian - stay tuned for that one!)

  2. I can barely take the pain when I get my lip waxed, no way could I go through with this. Just the thought makes me want to cry.

  3. I had no idea they did these kind of waxes at the nail place?!! I get my eyebrows done in a little small room at a similar type place, maybe? But the room doesn't even have a door..can you imagine?

  4. AAhhh...I don't think I could let someone do that - even though it would be great to have it done. Brave, very brave and I am slightly jealous:)

  5. Yikes! You're brave! Let me know when you're due for your next one, I'll call you ;-)

  6. ahh i love this story! im always worried when i get waxed that im going to start screaming terrible things at the chic (ala 40 year old virgin)
    love your blog!

  7. Hahahhahahha Generic Viagra! Should we be naked with mirrors and a woman in front of us!!!! Hahahhaha!!

  8. Mother of god... in my country this kind of women are every where... seriously you can hear some people's when they are talking and seems like they really enjoy it...


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