Thursday, August 14, 2008

Mind your own Business or Why men should never speak

Hey! So this is a quickie (I like those!opps TMI) When I was at my heaviest I was desperate to lose weight and was often coming up with crazy plans on how I was going to get skinny. This plan involved getting my father-in-law, who is an MD to buy me diet pills in Guatemala and send them to me in Miami. Well, these were hard core diet pills, I'm talking, dry mouth, tight jaw, speed talk, no sleep, extra peppy pills! Yeah, well, I was still a wee bit hungry so, I had the brilliant idea to start smoking again (genius) and then indulge in Cuban Coffee (espresso, with a pound of sugar and extra caffeine)...well, suffice to say I almost ended up in the hospital! I was all shades of green, nauseous, and heart pounding! Plan didn't work and only lasted 3 days.

Before I almost died, I was in the interior garden of the office complex where I worked, smoking a ciggy when a random, older man walks up to me and says in Spanish (everyone speaks Spanish in Miami, they won't let you live there until you learn) he goes "Eso le hace dano al bebe" and scowls at me...translation: "That hurts the baby" I was confused, huh? I wasn't with my kids...and then it hit me: OH NO HE DIDN'T!!! That Mother F'er just called me pregnant, bad pregnant smoking LADY!!! He was about 1/2 a block away when I realized this.

What did I do? Did I cry? Did I run to the bathroom in shame, no sirree...I chased him down, I was nimble for 1/4 of a TON! I caught up with him and told him " I *gasp*AM *gasp* NOT *gasp*PREGNANT, and why don't you mind your own business!" (I swear that's the most I have run in 20 years! Except when I chase the hairy ones with a broom or a wooden spoon, or my shoe) I did this in angry Spanish, it must have been very intimidating, he was a small little man, and well, I am sort of an AMAZON and was very in his face. I turned around, said nothing and returned to my office. I am sure that man learned a lesson that day...

  • never assume a woman is pregnant

  • mind your own damn business

  • don't mess with a FAT chick on a diet!

These men need to be schooled! Toodles!

1 comment:

  1. Mi querida Ylla, Been there and have done that. Love you, Amelia


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