Friday, August 7, 2009

HOT coffee in my BUTT crack!

Oh yes, it seems every Friday the trip to Dunkin Donuts get more aggravating and this week DOWN RIGHT DANGEROUS! I had to buy two coffees, 2 dozen assorted donuts and 4 bags of whole beans for the coffee machine here in the office. Well, that is A LOT to carry.
As I pulled up to my office I got out of my little mini and walked to the co-pilot's side to unload all the DD crap and figure out how to carry it upstairs. First I pulled out the 2 coffees, one which I had been sipping on the way to work and had the little mouth hole open, and placed the cup holder on top of the mini. Then I bent over to pull out the 2 dozen donuts and 4 bags of coffee and the holder slipped off the top of my car and tumbled down my back side, dripping (thank GOD the lids were on TIGHT) hot coffee all down my butt crack *OUCH*, then the fell to the ground and spilled every where. Of course I screamed out all sorts of FOUL obscenities in English and Spanish, really truckers within 25 miles simultaneously blushed!
So, I carry everything in and go to the bathroom to clean up and when I look in the mirror I realize what a complete dumb ass I am. I WAS going to wear a blue stripped shirt this morning, but changed my mind after I was dressed and changed to light pink shirt, what I didn't CHANGE was the light blue bra (yea, I am one of those matchy-matchy freaks) I was wearing which you can clearly see through the pink shirt RIGHT NOW! And not in a COOL way like when Gwen Stefani wears a black bra under a white t-shirt.
Lets' move on to my jeans...which now have a coffee stain on the back side, which looks like I was in some cardio class and had butt sweat, I can actually hear the thread in the seams of my jeans SCREAMING for mercy as I type this...HELP, PLEASE, some one get this FAT ASS out of me! Yes, people it's true, they are tight as tight can be and I am rocking a wicked muffin top, oh hotness to BOOT!
I am breaking down and buying a pair of jeans tomorrow. I'll tell you how that crap went on Monday, I am sure it will involve TEARS, SWEAT and plenty of booze...I plan on going to NY&CO because they are crazy with the vanity seizing! Pray for me girls, pray for me!


  1. Greetings from Oklahoma! I'm a new follower, having run across your blog the other evening when I had a rare case of insomnia. I loved what I read that night and am looking forward to more hilarity. I am a "former-skinny-chick-now-obese", and I am anxious to dig further into your archive to find all the answers on how to become a "50-something skinny chick"!

    My blog is not nearly as exciting as yours, almost boring to be truthful, but you're welcome to drop by to visit, just to check out my profile . . . Greyt Balls Of Yarn at

    Looking forward to future late-night blog-reading!

  2. You will be in my prayers!!! lol lol

  3. Oh nooooo! Can't wait to hear how the new jeans shopping expedition goes!

    Sending you a smile,

  4. Express is great for vanity sizing as well. Good luck shopping!!


I love you Darling, really! Thank you!