I know that you are designed to menstruate (ugh) every month (even though I haven't had a baby in 17 years, you think you would have taken the hint) and I can forgive you for this transgression. What I simply can NOT and will not forgive you for is the following:
- the SALT cravings, extra salty popcorn, chips and nuts (why not just buy a salt tablet and lick it like a horse?)
- followed by the sugar and carb craving (can you say pancakes smothered in syrup, food of the gods?)
- even BIGGER boobs and they hurt (nice touch)
- the ridiculous pains (like birthing an alien from each ovary)
- the bloating (yeah, because I don't feel fat enough!)
- the runs (WTF? why?)
- and to make life complete: The Migraine headache
I want a letter from you by 5pm on my desk with a full explanation of your actions, if not, you are SO FIRED! I am not kidding, I am sure I can find some wacky Dr. willing to rid me of you and by you I mean the reproductive portion of you (can you say hysterectomy?) and I will simply replace you with a patch BITCH. What do you think about that!?
See you at 5pm!
P.S. Please note I did not mention the crying and mood swings, as I can't totally attribute those to solely you, there is that whole craziness thing.