Monday, May 11, 2009

Talk to 10 Hairy Men...

My besties daughter had her first communion last Saturday. All week long we talked about the preparations and the dress and all the fun stuff. We then reminisced about when the 2 Hairy's had their first communion, eons ago....
The Hairy's are quite the comedy duo, always have been, always will. The week before they take communion for the first time, they all have to go to confession for the first time (it has a special name, but I can't remember it for the life of me.) I dropped them off and came back after it was all said and done. The Catechism teacher advises you not to pry as to what they confessed, but it is OK to ask how it went, etc.
They get in the car:
Fat Mom: How did it go?
Hairy #1: OK, it was just like they said.
Hairy #2: uncharacteristically silent
Fat Mom: and you? How was it?
Hairy #2: That guy was weird (guy= priest)
MY HEART STOPS (this was after all during the pedophilia scandal!) What do you mean WEIRD?
Hairy #2: He told me to talk to 10 Hairy Men!
Fat Mom: WHAT?!?!
Hairy #1: You mean "Say 10 Hail Mary's" you big DUMMY
Hairy #2: yeah that, whatever.
Say 10 Hail Mary's is not the same thing as Talk to 10 Hairy Men- I'm just saying. Now, I am not Catholic and I personally have never been to confession (the poor priest would have to take a week off to hear it!) But it seems to me the Hairy's must have been pretty DAMN BAD to have to say 10 Hail Mary's each!
The day of the Communion we had a small lunch to celebrate the kids not having to go to Sunday school anymore and Mom not having to take them! No, no I kid, I kid, we celebrated their First Communion (they celebrated all the cash they got from everyone!) The whole lunch they were giggling and grabbing my wine in a crazy imitation of the priest. I know lovely!
The usual Priest was ill and they used a re-placement priest that the kids didn't know. He was Spanish (he had just got here from Spain) and had a very thick European accent. It seems the boys thought he sounded like Dracula, specially when he would raise the Goblet and say
"I vant you to driunkh oft thees Bload"
So what they got out of the whole experience was : talk to hairy men and learn to imitate Bela Lugosi, in a nutshell.
I was married in a Catholic Church, because it was important to the HUBS, I signed a piece of paper (no joke) saying I would raise my children Catholic. I had them baptized and took them every Sunday for a year to Church and Sunday school so that they could complete their first communion. The Hubs went to Church the day of the communion.
When it came time for the Hairy's to go for their confirmation, it meant that they had to go 2 nights a week (kicking and screaming because they were now teens) for 2 years. I have always been a working Mom, I usually don't get home until 6pm, at which time I start making dinner (I cook 5 days a week), so it was apparent that logistically it was not going to happen. I offered the job to The HUBS, who is technically Catholic, which he turned down and that was the end of the contract which I was supposed to uphold to the Catholic Church.....Now the question is.........will they send Priest Dracula to get me?!


  1. My parents always said that they could not believe how long confirmation and communion classes took here! In Colombia it was like 3 months tops!

    Yeah they had their communion.. thats it.. if they want to be married in a catholic church then yeah the will go do their confirmation later on if ever!

  2. Ummm.... all I can say is that in my case it seemed like an endless process, but of course there is the whole first Confession that must happen before the First Communion happens.


  3. I love the sound of your boys...I would sooooo get on well with them:)
    I only went to Sunday school because we lived next door to the little church and I liked getting free books!!!

  4. Hey, Ma...10 Hail Mary's ain't nuthin! The priest probably gave them that penance because he had to give 'em SOMETHING!
    Back in my Catholic days (I'm since in recovery) I'd get the whole book thrown at me and a novena said for good measure.
    Point is, you don't have a couple hairy felons there... :)

  5. That was a fantastic post! LOL! I love the Talk to 10 Hairys! lol! Well at least it's memorable! hee hee! Great post...really enjoyed it!


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