Thursday, December 10, 2009

My Mother the FATTY

Lately much of my time has been spent rushing from my job to pick up my parents and accompany them to the endless doctor's visits my Mother has. This involves a lot of waiting in the waiting rooms, waiting in the lab, waiting in the exam room, the 3 of us just starting at each other.

Finally when someone comes in and starts asking questions, I am quick to answer, since you all know I am the National Director of Gossip (AKA busybody.)

Every time the nurse asks- How tall is your Mom.

I answer- 5 feet

Mom quickly pipes up: I'm 5'1 (in her dreams)

The nurse leaves the room, and we continue to talk amongst ourselves.

Dad: I want to know what tests they did in the blood work.

Me: OK Daddy, we will ask for specifics, what are your concerns.

Dad: I want to see if your Mama has anemia.

Mom: Anemia?! The way you are feeding me?! I know you are trying to fatten me up. I know you are trying to make me look like "La Beyonce" (this was in Spanish and even funnier can you can imagine)

I immediately fell to my knees I laughed so hard.

Of course, my Dad, who puts his hearing aid in, but turns it off because noise is annoying, says: WHO? Wha?

The nurse comes back in, she asks how much does your Mom weigh.

I answer 112 pounds. My Mom pipes in "not for long!"

Both my Dad and I crack up, the nurse just stares at us and walks out.

My Mom shows me the bruise on her arm, apparently they had a very hard time drawing blood for her in the morning, she goes on and on about how she has NO blood.

The nurse comes back in and tries to take her pressure, but she can't find the pulse.

My Mom turns to me and says: Oh boy, no blood in my veins AND no pulse! This might be more serious than I thought! I think I'm screwed.

I cover my mouth to stifle the laughing and bend over and whisper in her ear: Mama at least you will be safe from those pesky Twilight vampires.

She giggles.


  1. LOL Your mom cracks me up. I think the older that our parents get the more funny they become. It's like they have a delayed gene or something.


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