Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Oprah and my boobs

If you have read this Blog you already know that my life is structured around the all mighty OOOOOOOOOOPRAAAAH (that's how I shout it out all sing songy like she does!) In fact, I am sure I lost my job during the last year of her show because I was meant to see her every day and not on DVR. I used to get her magazine (but it's so expensive, I no longer do) and read it cover to cover and try everything she loves. This is how I hurt my back trying that stupid Bikrahm Yoga, thanks to an article in her magazine! The list of things I have done in my life influenced by Oprah is extensive, and I have one more to add!

Remember the show where they gave everyone in the audience a Bra fitting and everyone was wearing the wrong size? Yeah, that. A couple of months ago I had an unused gift card from Dillards, that my middle sister gave me for my Birthday, so nice. I am not a big shopper, for years I worked for Mall Management and it takes a lot to get me in the Mall. After months of the gift card sitting in my wallet, and weeks of feeling like my bra didn't fit right I decided to go to Dillards and get a proper bra fitting.

I walked into the store, found the Lingerie Dept. and found an adorable young lady that had a name tag that said "Are you wearing the right size?" I told her I needed a fitting and we went straight back to the fitting rooms. She asked what size bra are you wearing? My reply? "I've been wearing a 38C for years!" At this point I was fully dressed she looked me right in the eye and said "Ma'am I'll tell you this much, you are NOT a C cup."

She asked me to take my top off and she pulled out her measuring tape, wrapped it around me a few times and announced: Let me pull a few bras and I will be back, let's find your size first and then we will choose what style you like.

OK....I stood there topless in my jeans and sandals in the dressing room, awkwardly starring at my self in a three way mirror under harsh fluorescent lights, thinking to myself- this was NOT a good idea, DAMN you middle sister!

She bounces back in holding a few options and says lets try this first it's a 36F. GASP! WHAT?!?  If it wasn't for the fact that I was topless I would have shoved her out of the way and ran out of the dressing room! She saw my face and said "Just try it on, we will work from there" I can see myself right now screaming and running topless through Dillards...hee-hee

I put it on, in a weird way she told me to and it was too big, but really by only a little. Next size, 36 E, Thank goodness, still a little big.

Finally we settled on a 36DDD, even though she insists that the E fit better. I inform her I am on a DIET and I am SURE my boobs will be shrinking very soon, Thank you very much and GOOD DAY!

I leave the store with my super expensive over the shoulder boulder holder- literally boulders, apparently my boobs are so much more GINORMOUS than I even knew. I called all my girlfriends because I was freaking out, to which one of their response was "OH, yeah, Porn Star BABY!" I was not amused.

The rest of the day I was thinking to myself, Damn you Oprah, you were right I was wearing the wrong bra size. But, how could I have been so off? What if I am wearing the wrong shoe size? It would be like trying to squeeze my size 9 feet into a size 6?! I was 3 cup sizes off. NO COMPRENDO.

I challenge you all to go get fit at a Department Store (not that sham of a store Victoria's Secret) and tell me, are you wearing the wrong size? I just really want to know if any of you are even more clueless about your bresticles than I am. Go, now, and get back to me.


  1. Girl, I feel your pain. About a year ago I strolled into Nordstrom wearing my own 38C. I chatted it up with my new BFF (boob friend forever) Courtney, while she measured. Sure enough, I was a 38G. (!!!!!!!!) G as in Good Golly Girl, them are some huge bewbies!

    But she was right. My boobs look and feel 100x better in their new ridiculously expensive home. I've found a few brands that I like and then have been able to order online, which helped save a few bucks.

    High five for being busty! ;)

  2. Vanessa, I have been trolling the intewebz, because there is no way I can pay $70 for a bra! I love WACOAL Bras! and you are right, they look FABULOUS!!!

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    1. Correction: I was wearing 36C when indiscovered I'm really 32DD. No, it was a 34 C. Anyway, I was way off when I learned I'm really 32DD.


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