Wednesday, April 21, 2010

I'm not dead- but almost

I'm sorry, I'm so so sorry. I disappeared with out a trace and did not even post that I was alive. In the past this has happened when I was having WAY to much fun. Well, not this time.

It all started with pizza and beer on Friday night. Come Saturday at noon, I was not feeling well, worst of all I had to endure the mild rage of: THE HUBS.

OMG- how many times are you going to eat Pizza and get sick?!? I told you not to eat pizza. The next time I see you eating pizza *pow* to the moon! (not exactly, but you get it)

So throwing up Saturday, Sunday, Monday- hmmmm, maybe it wasn't the pizza? No one else is sick in the house?!

More ranting from THE HUBS on Monday night- When are you going to go the the Doctor?! What has to happen to make you call the guy?! You're probably sick because you haven't eating in the days, and your stomach is rebelling! Have some toast and tea, it will settle you stomach.

The man brings me toast and tea, I dutifully eat 1/2 the toast and about 2 ounces of tea. Well, somehow I manage to projectile vomit through my nose and mouth about 10000999 ounces of water 20 minutes later. I almost choked, peed my self a little when my life flashed before my eyes and then started to cry.

This was a BIG mistake, because of course THE HUBS lost his damn mind and wanted to go to the ER. I wanted to shower and go to bed.

At knife point I was forced to call the Doc at 8am the Tuesday morning.

DOC- hmmm, no liquids held down since Saturday am. OK, go to the E.R. I will see you there.

Which ER you ask? The CRAZY seventh day Adventist one, of course! I got there at 9:30 am on Tuesday..

Well, apparently not eating and drinking and throwing up all the time is pretty BAD, because I was admitted, then pumped full of magnesium, potassium, and IV that looked like yellow Gatorade and got GIANT tubes of sugar pumped into my arm.

Here are the FACTS of my stay:
  • I didn't get to leave until Friday at 9:30PM
  • This annoyed my sister greatly since she was kicked out 22 hours after having her kid
  • (84 hours!) I could have had 3.8 babies!
  • They never figured out what I had-just said a virus
  • It took the Doc 48 to actually see me in person in the hospital (that's what I call service!)
  • I gave the Chaplin the stink eye
  • got into an almost fight with a non English speaking volunteer, over what an Atheist is.
  • lost 10 lbs
  • watched FOOD Network and HGTV the WHOLE time!
  • was bored out my mind
So ladies and gays all these stories and more are coming up, and I am really sorry for being so bad....will you ever forgive? I can;t live with out the $10 a month I make off BlogHer! haha!!!

In other news I have come up for a new nickname for THE HUBS and the bestie's (the Ethel to my Lucy or maybe I am the Ethel to her Lucy?) HUB, from this day forward they will be known as THE MOFO's, how apropo, no?


  1. Wow! Glad you're feeling better!

    What is it with 'religious' hospitals? I was in a Methodist hospital (the closest one to the house) in October but I kept avoiding the chick who kept trying to visit me to talk religion, due to daily medical tests.

    Fun times! lol!

  2. Oh my goodness!! Was wondering where you were, but never thought it would be that bad. Glad you are feeling better!!

  3. Yuck! I'm so glad you're feeling better! Is it wrong that I was jealous of your 10 lb loss? LOL


I love you Darling, really! Thank you!