Friday, January 14, 2011

Dear Brian, I'm sorry

If you know me or have read my blog- you know I am out numbered. I live with my uber macho husband, my step son and my two sons, so when we got a dog, I put my foot down and we got a girl. Her name is Little Lulu and she is the daughter I never had, which I know sounds weird, but I'm 38 and my youngest is 18. I am teetering on the Empty Nest cliff- so it either act crazy about a dog or have a baby. You do the math.

We have been going back and forth over breeding Lulu since we got her, and she recently had her 3rd heat (not pretty, we fixed her a few days ago.) Unlike the other times she was in heat, she started to act very strangely, trying to hump everything, crying and all over the place emotionally (go figure.)

Of course the Hubs reaction? DO SOMETHING! You're a woman, help her.

I call the vet and explain (they know me very well in that office.) His advice? Get her a stuffed animal and let her take out some of her sexual needs on it. I SWEAR that is what he said.

Where am I going to find a giant teddy bear? And them I remembered something one of the mens I live with had in his room.

I run through the house flinging the doors open, looking for my solution. Found it! Grab it and yell at my son- I am confiscating this for Lulu and run out.

It was like a first date, I sat Brian down on a chair in the family room and let her walk by and check him out.

Second date- I move him to the floor and let her get a closer look and sniff.

Third Date- She looks at me and I give her the go ahead, the thumbs up, the YOU GO GIRL!

She drags Brain to her bed and BAM! Goes at it!

As we watch on as a family ( I know weird) there is giggling, red faces and cringing on my behalf.

Son #3 yells "DOGGIE STYLE!" Son #2 chimes in "Mom, Lulu is 69'ing poor Brain" Technically they were right.

That's it! The Hubs puts his foot down and makes us all leave the room and giver her some privacy, after all she is his little girl.

So Brian, I am sorry Lulu hit it and quit it.


  1. I literally almost fell off the couch laughing. I've got tears streaming down my face. My hubby is about to DIE!!! Thank you for that bit of sheer awesomeness right there :D

  2. I found you from Stacy's blog, that's so hilarious! Lmao!

  3. OMG!!! That is just classic!!! My hubby LOVES family guy! I am so showing him your story!! Thank you soooo much for the laugh!!! It totally put the biggest smile on my face and just had me in tears laughing!!

  4. HAHAHAHA, too funny!!! Us women need our toys to stay sane!!!

    Polar's Mom

  5. Hilarious!! brian's face in pic #3 is pretty much how I look when my husband and I do it.

  6. I tried to retune Brain after the tryst- but my son said "No thanks, Mom, you can keep him"

  7. OMG! I'm dying! Just DYING! Hahaha!!!

    Poor Brian! And I'm with your son, Lulu can have him. lol!

  8. Too funny. I won't be able to look at Brian the same.


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  10. OMG! I'm dying! Just DYING! Hahaha!!

  11. HILARIOUS as always!

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  13. So I read a few posts, but this one.... THIS ONE! Made me LOL, forreals! And the photos are hilarious!


I love you Darling, really! Thank you!