Monday, September 21, 2009

Fat Trifecta

So I am not even going to mention how much weight I have is OBSCENE. Let's put it this way, I have NO right to call my BLOG Former FAT right at all!

I will let you get a visual of how bad is has gotten. The other night I pulled out a pair of jammies and went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth and get in to my jammies. I went to pull up the silk pajama shorts and UGH!!! they would not go over my big ass THIGHS. That's right ladies and gentleman I am TOO Fat to fit into my pajamas! Seriously, not my skinny jeans, not some tight hot pants, my DAMN pajamas, now if that is not a SLAP in the face I don't even know what is.

I am calling it the FAT TRIFECTA- (otherwise know as my excuse as to why my ass is the size of a Clydesdale horse)

  1. The damn lap band which had been my best friend and savior deiced to try and kill me (that bitch) by eating it's way in to my stomach, resulting in major surgery and 3 weeks in bed.
  2. Simultaneously my thyroid decides to REVOLT (probably for all the times I lied and said I was fat because I had thyroid problems) well that bitch decided to sprout some nodules and stop working (16 weeks on medication and that there is NO controlling that one.)
  3. Let's add to this my mother's illness. I am a eater on any given day, but if you add stress, fear, anxiety, depression and lots of crying, well, we all know those things can only be cured by the following: cake, cookies, ice cream and BOOZE, lots of booze.

The day my mother had her surgery I sat in the Hospital form 7am until midnight, and think the only reason I did not EAT myself to death was:

  • there was no all you can eat buffet (thanks goodness or I would have been hospitalized for a ruptured stomach)
  • I had no local currency, so I had to make friends and family buy food for me all day

I am back home now, my Mom is doing better and we are bringing her to Orlando for in-patient rehab.

I wouldn't say I am on a diet, but I am back to eating like a normal person (OK, maybe a normal sweet tooth), I have decided to cut back on the alcohol (except Saturday night I had 3 mojitos, but I danced, ALOT!) and I am going back to those PAIN in MY ASS Pilate's classes starting this week....

Stay updates to find out if my damn pajamas ever fit over my giant ass again....


  1. Two words: Bikram Yoga. Either you will slim down or die. Either way, the problem is solved.

  2. There's no fighting thyroid problems. Been there. Damn things do what they want to do.

  3. I'm so glad to hear your mom's doing better. As for the thyroid, my mom has battled her weight for as long as I can remember. She's always suspected her thyroid but only recently got it tested. Of course, it's under-active. She's lost a ton of weight since she's started the medicine.

    HOWEVER, she told me that it's not the medicine that's making her lose weight. In fact, she's not sure it's working at all. She attributes her weight loss to the fact that she can't eat an hour before or after taking a thyroid pill :)

  4. I demand Guatmalean singer video.

    And note how u spelled it wrong to show you how I'm serious.

  5. Try the Leslie Sansone Walk Away the Pounds DVDs. Dude, they WORK. I'm down 25 lbs!


I love you Darling, really! Thank you!