Tuesday, April 3, 2012

Call 9-1-1

There is one constant in my life, and that is my need to pee frequently. This constant results in a routine: I pull my car into the garage, turn it off, jump out, run in the house, go straight to my bathroom and plop down to pee. Now, this is usually accompanied by the dogs jumping up and running into the bathroom to lick my face as I sit on the toilet. Or if I actually close the door, they promptly bust it open, then lick my face or fight over who gets to lick my face first.

Last week, this all happened, but as I sat on the toilet, the dogs did not show up. Then as I reached for the toilet paper......someone had changed the roll! Someone had been in my bathroom, used the toilet, taken the empty toilet paper roll off the holder, put it in the trash and put a fresh roll of TP on the holder. I froze. I had tossed my purse on my bed and my cell phone was in it. OH.EM.GEE, there was an intruder in my house. I needed to call 911, and didn't have my phone. I covered my mouth and whisper screamed in to my hands....Someone cal 911!

Wait...what? How did I know there was an intruder? Oh, excuse me, you must not have sons or be married to a man....SOMEONE CHANGED THE ROLL OF TP, and it was not me. Just then the dogs barged in to the bathroom, hmmmmm, maybe the intruder had already left. I whispered in Lulu's ear, she's the smart one "go get help girl, GO" As I mouthed GO, she just licked my teeth and wagged her tail. Duke was splayed on the floor licking his empty nut-sack, per usual.

Aw, HELL, I have to do everything in this damn house. I quickly wiped, and armed myself with the plunger, room to room I went, no one was in the house. Nothing was missing, except the entire contents of the pantry, but that is usual around here.

To this day the mystery has not been solved, I like to think it's a Fairy, a toilet roll Fairy. Kind of like the guy who wears inline skates and put quarters in people parking meters....I may never know.


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  2. I wake up and have to pee. I hate getting old!

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